Wife : Emotional Affairs

Reader submission. Edited out abit of the dirty language used, personal details and linked some of your words to related posts.

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In a post done by Kris, we can see that wives are more prone to emotional affairs than husbands, because women are more emotional than men. It's how they're built, I'm not making it up, i read the article and the article links, and searched wikipedia. Chances are if your wife is going to be having an affair it will first start out as an emotional affair, not as outright physical like what most men experience, or seek. I learned this the hardway, and I came across this blog while doing some research. You can add me on ****** and I can show you my ex-wife's profile.(no personal details, that includes facebook)

Let me share my story about how I ended up divorcing my wife who had an emotional affair.

It started with my wife (newly wed, we weren't even 5 months in) spending enormous amounts of time online. It's crazy, she can spend the whole day in front of the computer. At first I thought it was fine since she lost her job after we got married, I thought it would be a good idea for her to find something that will keep her busy. First she was just looking at designer clothes, and following random people's blogs, then I noticed that she was starting to join forums. All of that was normal so I didn't really pay attention, since everything was mostly clothing related forums, or other fashion related sites that I was not really interested in. A few months later, I start noticing that her facebook account was starting to get new friends. We both have facebook, and her account was starting to get new friends, guy friends. Being a guy, that made me jealous so I started snooping. She was getting inappropriate comments on her pictures and seemed like she was enjoying all the attention. I butted in and made it known that I was her husband. In a not so direct confrontational way, just to make a point. She got mad at me, like she was embarrassed that I made it known she wasn't single or something.

Here's where I got really suspicious. She STOPPED being active on her facebook page. I snooped even more, and like a good detective, I investigated the profiles of all the previous commenters on her pictures. I found her new secret facebook account that way and started viewing it everyday. She posted new pictures that she took at home, some of them inappropriate, using the new clothes she's bought that were quite revealing. I asked her about what she does online, and she told me just surfing. I specifically asked her about facebook, and she said she hasn't used her account for weeks. Notice how good of a liar my ex-wife is? Everything she told me was true, she was surfing, and she has not used her facebook. Because she created a secret facebook account, that's why.

What did I do? Researched on keyloggers because even though I could track her internet browsing history, I couldn't read the chats she had with this guy, the same guy who left inappropriate comments on her pictures. I did not install anything yet because I did not imagine my wife could lie to me that much, I held off until after I questioned her about her facebook friends.

I needed to know, so I asked her if she was still talking to that guy, and that I know she has a secret facebook account. I also know that she's chatting with him, I just wanted her to come clean so we could talk about it. She denied it and told me I was too jealous and paranoid. That's when I installed a keylogger. What I discovered was that not only is he her "online boyfriend" but also they were going to meet "soon". I glued my eyes to the recorded chats everyday, pretending I knew nothing about what was going on. She started being nice to me after I stopped confronting her, we were even more active in the bedroom department. I guess I was her "practice" til she met that guy.

Their chats not only became dirtier and dirtier, she also started telling him how she felt that our marriage was a mistake, and she lost her job because of me. That hurt reading, because I remember quite clearly that she said it would be okay for us to move to MY home because I made almost 3x more money than what she was making. Now it's my fault she's jobless? He (the facebookguy) told her that I needed to feel masculine and didn't want her to have a job because it would hurt my ego. What a bunch of BS, he was clearly manipulating her feelings and making her feel like he's all good and I'm the evil womanizer who wanted her to be subservient.

I waited patiently until I found out the date and time of the meet up, and confronted both of them at a hotel room. I brought a long a guy friend of mine who really wanted to kick his ass. We didn't do anything physical to him, but I did tell my now ex-wife I have everything recorded as well as an attorney to get us divorced. I showed her the chatlogs and told her to stop trying to lie her way out of the hole she dug. I don't care if it was a one time thing. I will never be with a woman who would say such things about me behind my back. In one of the conversations she brought my mom into it and said she was a lying controlling *. I hope she gets cheated on by that grease ball she had an emotional affair with.



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Post by YouCantHurt.(you didn't leave a name so I used part of your email) If you would like to share something to us, use the contact page. We will not spam you or reveal your identity. You can also use the Cheating Spouse Stories page if you would rather not send us an email, or post it yourself on the surviving infidelity forum.

I would recommend anyone to not confront their spouses like this until after they've gathered enough evidence.

What you did could have backfired because you confronted her first before you actually started gathering proof.

Things you should consider before doing anything like this :

• Did you research state laws? Installing a keylogger without reading the site's disclaimer or your local state laws could land you into jail.
• Did you consult with your lawyer before installing a keylogger? Your lawyer will know best what evidence can and can not be counted in a court of law.
• If you're going to bring someone, be 100% sure that they won't cause any problems. Like getting into a physical fight. Your spouse or the person they are cheating on you with could be the one suing you.
• Avoid confronting your spouse when you are in a place that could call security or police to throw you out of the establishment.

Infidelity, What Does It Mean To You?

Merriam-Webster.com defines infidelity as :

a : unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : disloyalty 
b : marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it

Now, from the recent flames we've received in the comments section (not posted of course), people keep trying to justify their actions as "just for fun" and call us "you're a ****** psychotic paranoid ****".

The classic definition of infidelity is when a man or woman cheats on their spouse, and has a physical affair with them. To most of these flamers commenting, the infidelity meaning they are trying to project is just this "if I didn't touch another person, it's not cheating" well, in my opinion, and the majority of loyal spouses' opinions, you're wrong. Dead wrong.

If there were any sort of reliable infidelity statistic, I would bet you everything I owned that most people would declare emotional affairs as infidelity. Internet affairs, sexting affairs, and other non-physical affairs as infidelity as well. A maritalaffair need not require physical intimacy. Just as merriam-webster dictionary defines it, "unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : disloyalty" or "marital unfaithfulness", in no part was there any mention of physical intimacy.

My definition of infidelity is when a married person betrays the trust given to them by their spouse, or has deep emotional intimacy with someone else surpassing the level of intimacy they have with their spouse. It's simple, if you are hiding an intimate relationship with someone else from your spouse, whatever that reason may be, it's infidelity.

"Intimate relationship" means something you wouldn't do or talk about with someone who is "just a friend". You know you are having an affair with someone emotionally if you are telling them things you would normally only tell your spouse. When you start seeing this new person as your "problem solver" or "go to guy", or whenever you think about them all you can think is how much better they are than your spouse. If they reciprocate your intimacy, you are having an affair. It does not matter if this person is your neighbor, or some girl you met online from halfway around the world, it's still an emotional affair.

When you try and pass of sexting as "just for fun", it is a huge slap in the face to your spouse and your marriage. Sexting IS cheating no matter what angle you look at it from. As long as it's an intimate connection to another human being that is not your spouse, it's cheating. Same goes for webcam chats, "cheat forums" or other groups that promote adultery.

This may come as a shock to most people, but the people who are consistently posting rude comments based on our articles pertaining to emotional affairs and "non physical cheating" are mostly female. How do I know they're females? Because they keep complaining about their husbands who have physically cheated on them. Surviving infidelity is tough, I know I lost my first husband too (highschool sweetheart), but the way you should react is to move on with your life and GET A DIVORCE. Do you really think staying with your husband and CHEATING on them to even the score will make any significance in your relationship? The childish notion of "he did it first" will just be a huge time waster for both of you. Instead of moving forward and building new, meaningful relationships, you choose to skew the definition of infidelity and "give them a taste of their own medicine".

In the article "Do Men Cheat More Than Women" we discussed the issue of female affairs being equal to their male counterparts. And I guess most people who read this blog are women (because of the URL and our earlier articles I'm assuming), and think that we are completely biased towards them. Guess what ladies, I actually met my husband through an infedelity support group, and yes his ex-wife had an emotional affair that turned physical and eventually ruined their marriage. I really wish there was a reliable infidelity statistic so all these women who have been cheated on and decide to "cheat back" would stop playing the victim role all the time.

The truth is most female affairs are the ones that are "non physical". Female affairs are very emotional, and usually start from texting, and internet chat rooms. Just google "infidelity statistics" or "female emotional affair statistics" and do your own research, although there aren't much statistics available you will see a lot of the same things but from the men's point of view. Women ARE better at having affairs because most female affairs are purely emotional (more talking over the phone, or internet etc) vs men, who are more on the physical affairs.

What is worse, physical or emotional affairs? That is subjective, but to me they are the same thing, infidelity. What is the meaning of infidelity to you?

Take a Cheap Lie Detector Test? Think again.

Something to consider when you have run out of options on proving the innocence of your spouse. If you spouse WILLINGLY subjects themselves to a polygraph test, that should make you confident. Although I do not recommend this method, it's still an option for you if there are -cheap- lie detector test services around your area. When I say cheap lie detector, I do not mean the portable types that they sell as gimmicks. I do not believe in the accuracy of the cheap lie detectors nor would I put the fate of your relationship on it.

On that note I also don't believe in regular lie detectors, there are so many ways to beat a lie detector, one could research before taking a lie detector and study up on beating it. There's an old saying, which I have not verified if it's true or not, that taking an aspirin before the test will allow you to beat it. I will have to post a follow up article to this after I have done some research on ways your spouse could beat a lie detector test. I found an amazing site that is completely anti lie detectors. They sound like they are taking it a bit personal, but it's a good read and I suggest browsing their sites completely before you take any tests. Let me save you some time and tell you NOT to take the polygraph test.

Taking a polygraph test costs anywhere between $50-$400. When you find a local service, you better google them and do your due diligence. Check for their records at the bbb as well. I would not trust the cheaper ones(or the regulars ones), unless that is all you have as your option. Ask about the background of the lie detector operator, and what is his actual job. Interview them and ask multiple services and examples of their work. Check if they have any case studies or methods that they can prove their accuracy with. Ask them if it's scientifically proven (and since you did or will do your research before going to one, you'll know whether or not the lie detector operators are LYING to you).

Some reasons you should not trust lie detector tests

"Rule 707 serves the legitimate interest of ensuring that only reliable evidence is introduced. There is simply no consensus that polygraph evidence is reliable: The scientific community and the state and federal courts are extremely polarized on the matter." -http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/96-1133.ZS.html

"When a well-trained examiner uses a polygraph, he or she can detect lying with high accuracy. However, because the examiner's interpretation is subjective and because different people react differently to lying, a polygraph test is not perfect and can be fooled."-http://science.howstuffworks.com/question123.htm

 "Polygraph is more art than science, and unless an admission is obtained, the final determination is frequently what we refer to as a scientific wild-ass guess (SWAG)" -CIA polygrapher -John F. Sullivan

 "...the theory and methods of polygraphic lie detection are not rocket science, indeed, they are not science at all." -Emeritus Professor, David T. Lykken (1928-2006)

 "The so-called 'control' question 'test' polygraph is a technological flight of fancy. It is often used as a psychological rubber hose to induce confessions. Founded on lies, it spreads distrust while posing as the path to truth." -Emeritus Professor, John J. Furedy

If you really can't trust your spouse anymore because they cheated on you, seek marriage counseling or take a couples retreat. A lie detector won't gain that trust back for you. Worse, it may dig you an even deeper hole. See this girl's story attached below about how her spouse got her to confess she cheated on him with a common friend, and could not trust her again. Then they took a lie detector test in an attempt to mend that trust. She volunteered to take it because she said she was so confident she would make him eat the report! She failed the cheap($50 indicated on the post) lie detector test and they got divorced.

I took a lie detector test.My domestic partner and I have had some
issues and it came out that I lied about a sexual encounter that I had
with a common friend a couple of months into our relationship. I kept
this info from him and it took 18 months for him to finally get it out
of me and I confessed. Since then nothing I do or say has been
trustworthy to him and he does not know if he can ever establish trust
in me again. I suggested I take a polygraph test. I thought this
would be the best way for me to vindicate myself and show him once and
for all that I was telling the truth. I took the polygraph test and
felt totally at ease. We had to wait 5 days for the results. I was
so sure and righteous that I was going to make my boyfriend eat the
results.

3 questions were asked:

1) During my entire life did I ever have sexual contact with "A"

2) Since (month/year) did you have sexual contact with anyone besides
your current partner?

3) Since (month/year) did you have sexual contact with "B"?

The resultant answers were:

1 - Deceptive Response
2 - Truthful Response
3 - Inconclusive Result

I was totally blown away by the results. I have been totally truthful
and honest with my domestic partner since I confessed to him about the
meeting I had over 2 years ago. Since then it has been above board.

We both divorced for one another and it has taken it's toll on both of
us, clearly. Yes, we have seen counsellors and they have suggested
that we are both too filled with guilt to truly enjoy one another.

Read the whole thread here. If you still want to take your spouse to a lie detector test after everything I put together here, you should know the consequences can be severe. Lie detectors are handled by humans. Humans make mistakes. This is not like hiring a private investigator to catch your spouse cheating. With a private eye, they will actually give you VERIFIABLE proof that your spouse either cheated on you, or not. This lie detector test isn't even supported by the scientific community, so in essence you are just putting your relationship on the line based on what the person behind the lie detector is saying.

If you STILL insist on taking a lie detector test, here are some tips :

1. Do NOT tell the lie detector operator anything about yourselves so it won't let it affect his judgment on the current situation and questions.Both of you should take the test and get asked similar questions. Try to not let the operator pick up hints on why you are having the test, like who cheated on who. Don't mention anything, just hand over the questions you want asked.
2. Do NOT use a cheap portable lie detector, or online lie detector test. Voice lie detector tests, like the ones you see on TV, are also another gimmick with no science backing it up.
3. Do NOT take the results seriously.
4. Take multiple lie detector tests and compare results. Not saying this will make it more accurate, at least with multiple results you KNOW for a fact they are inconsistent.
5. Both of you should take the test twice, with different lie detector examiners each time you take it to compare the results.

The cost and value of this test is not worth the time nor money you will have to invest. If you want professional help in catching a cheating spouse, go for the PI. If you want professional help getting over your frustrations and guilt, take a couples retreat or go to a marriage counselor.

How do I confront my spouse about internet cheating?

Another reader asks about internet affairs/internet cheating. As previously mentioned, internet cheating could be two things, an emotional affair, or another form of pornography when webcams are involved. Either case, they are both wrong, with emotional affairs being more dangerous than the actual "camming".

You confront a spouse having an emotional affair the same way you would a spouse that's having a regular "real" physical affair. You tell your spouse that he or she is cheating on you, and they have to stop their emotional affair. Are you sure they are in an emotional affair or are they just talking a lot? See the linked article on the difference between friendship and emotional affairs.

About the webcam cheating, most spouses justify this as just another type of porn, but really it can turn into relationship breakers when people start wanting to meet each other once they are comfortable online. The key to stopping this is finding a compromise. Ask your spouse what you can do to make them stop their internet affair/inappropriate activities online, and follow through. If both of you find a compromise, problem solved. If your spouse continues to cheat on you online, you may need to have more talks about your relationship and it's future.

Internet cheating or internet affairs usually start from three things. An online chatroom, a cheating spouse forum (yes, there are forums dedicated for just that, cheating on your spouse), and anonymous cam sites (usually ends up in skype exchanges). A lot of people actually make their living helping unsatisfied husbands/houswives by giving them ways to start an affair, specifically sites like ashleymadison.com. Think of plentyoffish.com, but dedicated to men and women who are willing to cheat and are actively seeking cheating partners. If you see this website in your internet browsing history, immediately confront your spouse.

Don't be afraid to put your foot down and tell them that you will end your relationship if they don't stop their emotional/internet affairs. And you really should not put up with being emotionally abused by a cheating spouse. If they don't want to compromise, set an appointment for marriage counseling and get a professional to help you. If your spouse still won't take marriage counseling seriously, they aren't taking you and your relationship seriously. Getting a divorce isn't always something negative, and you may want to consider it if you are living your life in a miserable relationship.

How To Spot An Internet Affair

Here are some signs of a cheating spouse on the internet :

• When your spouse is using the computer or laptop, and you come in the room, they either stop using it, hide their screen, or minimize whatever they were doing.
• After using the computer, your spouse clears the internet browsing history. This should making you wonder why they are hiding what they were doing. I'll post something about how you can check your internet browsing history in another article in case you don't know how. *Update* it's linked below.
• Most people in a long term relationship, or who have been married for a long time, know each other's password. If you've known your spouse's password ever since, but it stopped working when you tried to access their email, or social sites, they may be hiding something.
• You discovered a new email that they never told you about, or a new social site such as a facebook page, even if they already have one.A worse thing, that should probably be met with confrontation, is discovering your spouse joined a dating site.
• Unknown credit card charges start appearing in your bills. Dating sites, or adult sites commonly mask their site names when charging a credit card. They do this to protect the privacy of their members. Ask your spouse about it, then google the exact name you found on the bill to confirm whether or not your spouse is lying.
• Very experienced, and tech savvy cheaters will create a new user account on your computer. They will mostly make their accounts the administrator of the computer, so guest accounts can't check up on their sites or install software keyloggers or any type of spyware to monitor their internet activities. There's usually no solution to this unless you too have access to the administrator account.

Is your husband or wife hiding their internet browsing history? Read this article to learn how to Track your Spouse's Internet Browsing History

If you are miserable in your relationship, I suggest thinking about getting a divorce.

Catching a Cheating Wife Vs Husband

Why would there be a difference between catching a husband cheating, and catching a wife cheating? Mainly because it is more common for the wife to stay at home, and for the husband to work. All methods listed in this site can be used to catch a cheating spouse, or detect an affair, but some methods may be more effective for husbands, and some for wives. You can ignore this article if your wife is not a housewife, and just use the catch a cheating spouse guide.

If you haven't already, you may want to read the page on "signs of a cheating spouse" before continuing. Knowing the signs, and then gathering evidence is what we recommend. Blind accusations will just cause relationship stress (plus make your spouse a better cheater).

Here's a breakdown on the current methods we talk about.

Cellphone Spies - This is equally useful for catching both a wife or a husband. Even if in most relationships the husband is the one who goes out to work, everyone in this day and age has a cellphone. Even my mom, who is in her 60s, has a cellphone. So this method is on the top of the list because it works well for both husbands and wives, is cheap, and available world wide. The only downside to this is if your spouse is not using a personal cellphone, and is provided one by the company they work for. This takes the top spot for catching a cheating spouse, it's like a keylogger for your cellphone bundled up with GPS cellphone tracking.

Keyloggers - This method won't work as much for people who use computers/laptops that are not their own. Work computers for example, are protected by the companies who own them. You most likely are not allowed to install anything, and if you are, it is recorded. Installing any monitoring device on anything you do not own is illegal. So if your husband rarely uses the computer/laptop at home, this won't be as effective as the cellphone spy. If you suspect your wife of cheating on you, and she just stays at home, then this would be a good option to catch her cheating because it is more likely that she uses the computer to talk to other people. This is also as cheap as the cellphone spy, depending on whether or not you opt for the hardware or software version keylogger. Software, be it cellphone spies, or keyloggers, are always cheaper than their hardware counterparts.

Hidden Cameras - Perfect to catch a cheating wife that stays at home and doesn't work out of the house. If you want to know if your spouse gets visits from people while you aren't home, consider using a motion activated hidden camera, so you can set it and forget it for a few days. It only activates when it detects movement, so that saves you a lot of hard drive space. Not as effective for cheating husbands unless he uses your car, and you can find a portable camera to install there. Portable surveillance equipment costs more than regular "plug in" camera equipment. I wouldn't spend more money to get a camera with better resolution. I would recommend the cheapest hidden camera or portable hidden camera you can get, the lower the resolution the better (cause it's cheaper). We aren't looking to make a home movie, we're trying to find out what is happening behind the scenes. Buying multiple lower resolution cameras is better than buying some HD super camera that can zoom in etc.

GPS Car trackers - A lot more useful for cheating spouses that work, or leave the house regularly. These are cheap, you can find some ranging from $30+-$40+, some of the more expensive ones require a monthly subscription though. Not as effective for cheating spouses who do not leave the house. May work for a wife that takes those 5 hour "shopping trips". GPS trackers can be replaced by simply remembering how many miles your spouse drives when they go to work/shop, and checking your mileage. Knowing your spouse's daily routine will save you some cash, but the downside to that is you can't PROVE they are lying. With a GPS tracker, you have solid data to backup your claims. This is also the method which my mother used when my father cheated on her, but it was a cellphone GPS tracker that a service provider had built in. It's original purpose was to help you locate your phone if you lost it, or it got stolen. But I guess it also helped her know that she was being cheated on.

Digital Voice Recorders - Another way that works best against cheating housewives vs spouses that work out of the house. Read the article for some suggested placements of your voice recorders, as well as two product recommendations. I bought two models of the cheaper one so I can monitor more areas vs the other model with more storage. Be sure to get a voice recorder that has voice activated recording features to save on storage and time sifting through hours of silence. One of the better methods, but you'd have to spend a minimum of $30.

Baiting Your Cheating Spouse - The best FREE method of catching your spouse cheating. Is this the same as impersonation? No, not really. Impersonation is when you call up credit card companies, or phone providers and fish for private details such as who owns what phone or what credit card charges were made while pretending to be the person, or their spouse. With this method, you are just going to fish for your spouse's cheating stories by pretending to be someone that is willing to cheat with them. I consider this the best free method of catching a cheating husband or wife because it has a chance of you finding out their secret email addresses or phone numbers. If you are low on cash and can't afford any of the tools mentioned here, there is cost in trying to bait a cheater into confessing to an affair.

Tracking Your Spouse's Internet Activities - This works well with the above method, and it's free as well. Not too effective if your spouse knows how to clear their internet browsing history. But if they don't, you will know what sites they visit, what they search on Google, and if they view porn sites secretly while you're away.

Private Investigators - Hired professionals. No question about it, this is THE best way to know whether or not your spouse is cheating. These guys are professionals, they make their living out of finding out the truth and providing information. Private Eyes will always get the job done, they employ all the methods found on this site, and some of their own. The only reason I recommend them last is because they are EXTREMELY costly compared to keyloggers, cellphone spies, and hidden cameras. If you plan on hiring a private eye, don't be surprised if the bill reaches the 4 digit range.

When I say I think it's the best way to know if she's cheating, I mean that for private investigators who have a good record. Be sure to check out the guide linked above to help you in selecting a private investigator. Don't just hire someone because they are your only option in your area. If they have a horrible record, you'd best do it yourself. And if you've had some experience with private investigators, please consider sharing it on the Private Investigator Reviews page, for the benefit of those people who in the future need help selecting a good P.I. company.

View things from the other side, learn how your husband will cheat on you by reading the "How To Cheat On Your Wife" article. Just to be clear, I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE. This is just to show you some ways that your husband can cheat on you, and how they may avoid detection. It's a spin from the regular article where we talk about how to catch a cheater, it may be more eye opening when "reverse engineered".

Find Phone Number On Map For Free

We added a form to the right at the bottom of this page that accesses a database of phone numbers. You can use this to check if you suspect your spouse is cheating, and calling other men/women. The downside is that it does not work for people outside of the USA. I'll try to link a database for an international reverse phone lookup when I find one.

If you want to track someone's location on google maps, you just simply enter their 10 digit phone number on the form to the right, and it will search the database for that phone number. It's completely free to check the location of a phone number on google maps, but it costs a subscription or a one time fee for 1 search if you request for complete details. Complete details include phone owners full name, address, previous address, and what type of phone it is and who is their service provider. The unnecessary features include background checks and criminal records, which I think is overkill.

These types of databases are sometimes being used by professional private investigators. It helps private investigators in locating addresses to help track your spouse or the people your spouse associates with. So if you are hiring a private investigator, you may want to ask them to do some reverse phone lookups for you, I doubt that would cost extra because private investigator fees are already extremely high. Some even charge $120+ per hour!

Basic overview of Reverse Phone Lookups

1. First thing you should do is check your spouse's phone and your home caller ID for unknown numbers.
2. Input each of those numbers on the form found to the right side of this page.
3. Wait for it to be processed on their database, and you will be served up the map location of the unknown number on your home landline or cell phone.
4. (optional), if you want to view the phone owners full name, exact address, and phone type and service provider, opt for a single search ($15) or if you have a lot of unknown numbers, opt for the 1 year registration ($40). This is just optional, just finding out the phone's location on the map can help clue us in deciding on whether or not our spouses are cheating.

Example of Reverse Phone Lookups

We'll use Google's phone number as an example. I'm sure they won't mind :)
Google's phone number is 650 253 0000. Lets pretend Google is some random person that your spouse may be cheating with.

So you found that number in your cellphone or home phone, and you have no idea who it is. You just enter that number on the form to the right of this post and it will search for the number in the reverse phone lookup database. You can try it yourself, but in case you were wondering, the results look like this (click to enlarge). You can try it also using your own phone number, and see how accurately you are placed on google maps.

If the number is too far away, that it would take a plane ride to get there, then we can rule out physical affairs, but they could be having an emotional affair if their phone conversations happen regularly. If the number is close to your location, then it's a higher chance of a physical affair happening. The reverse phone lookup database contains business phone lines as well, so you can check whether or not it's a work related call.

What you can do is ask your husband or wife who this phone number belongs to, and why is it in our phone bill/their cellphone bill. They can't say they don't know because it's in the bill and it shows how long they have talked, and if they say it's a friend's phone number then you can ask WHO it is.

Most likely if they are cheating on you with that person, they won't give their real names or location. That's when you should consider paying for a full report and matching the name that your husband or wife gives you, to that listed on the reverse phone lookup database. If they don't match, then you know your spouse is lying.

If this isn't enough to give you peace of mind, you may consider reading the cellphone spy overview, to help you pick out a cellphone spy yourself, or this mobile spy guide, if you want an exact recommendation and not a generic overview on types of cellphone spies.

Type A US BASED Phone number to find it on the map

Type a 10 digit phone number and press enter, or click Submit Query to get your results on Google Maps.

Please feel free to share your experiences with infidelity on our cheating spouse stories page.

Can a Private Eye monitor your home without you knowing?

Reader asks if a private eye can legally install spy cameras in your house without your knowledge to monitor you/your spouse. The answer is yes, if your spouse, or the owner of the house hired them. But you still have to do your own research for state laws because some states will require you to notify your spouse and inform them that the house is being monitored by a private investigator. We won't give you legal advice, and this is the last email question I'm going to reply to regarding this matter. Sorry folks.

If you hire a private investigator to catch your spouse cheating, and you don't own the house/condo/apartment that you are living in, and that P.I. installs spy cameras, microphone/"bugs" (the ones that record audio), your spouse can sue you and the private eye you hired.

Same goes for cellphone spies installed on cellphones you do not own, GPS trackers installed on phones/cars that you do not own, keyloggers on computers you do not own, etc.

Just remember when you want to install something that monitors activity, you MUST OWN whatever object you want monitored.

Now hiring a private eye to monitor your spouse in a PUBLIC place, that will cause you no legal problems since the place is public. You'll see alot of examples of that in the show cheaters in case you are in doubt.

Begging Forgiveness - Don't Do It

Don't be pathetic. Begging for forgiveness is the same as begging for money. Why would you be given something more valuable than money, people's trust, when you don't deserve it?

If you want to be forgiven for something stupid you've done to your relationship, (cheating, emotional affairs) you should EARN it. Here are some ways to earn back your partners trust.

1. Accept that you made a mistake, and listen to your spouse's demands. Do it even if it doesn't seem reasonable (within limits).

2. VOLUNTEER to go to marriage conseling. This will save up so much trouble and drama. You don't want drama.

3. Never be a know-it-all in this type of situation. Don't pretend you know why this happened and how to avoid it. You don't. You got caught cheating and now you must face the music.

4. "I did it because you didn't do X for me. I had to get X from somewhere else. It's not my fault I" anything that sounds remotely like this is the most pathetic thing a cheating spouse who got caught can do. I'm guessing you've all seen this on an episode or two of Cheaters (the show with Joey Greco).

5. When participating in one of the activities your husband or wife has planned, don't "drag your feet" or be constantly letting her know how horrible the experience is and it's not affecting anything. That won't help and build up even more negativity between both of you.

6. Remember anytime that you both were enjoying your time together, and recreate that moment. Enjoyed a trip together? Go on a trip together. You may even consider booking a couples retreat, specifically ones to help couples suffering from midlife crisis.

7. Don't assume your spouse will forgive you. Some husbands and wives stick to bad relationships for the sheer love of their children.

When to think about divorcing your spouse?

Since this blog started, there have been around 300 comments, and most of these comments have been people stating that they are "so miserable", but still "want to make it work".This is NOT how a relationship should be, and maybe you should consider getting a divorce. You might be thinking "what?? a divorce? It's not serious, I can deal with it." right? My question to you is why do you think divorce is a bad thing for you? Divorce is almost always a good thing for you, maybe a good thing for your children as well in the long run

Why is divorce a good thing?

1. There has been zero happy relationships that have been ended because of a divorce.That's the truth. I don't think there are any truly happy relationships that have been ended by a divorce. A divorce is a good thing because if you are thinking of one, you are most probably in an awful relationship with a partner who refuses to change.

2. Raising children in an unhappy marriage will affect them negatively a lot more than raising children as a single parent. I know alot of single moms and single dads whose children grow up happy and live "normal" lives. I don't know a single child who grew up happy living under a roof where their parents are constantly fighting and yelling at each other. It's abusive to you and your children if you keep living a miserable life. The key to being happy in a relationship, or life even, is not being miserable and having to live with something you don't have to.

3. It is very liberating. Especially if you had to sacrifice to keep a relationship going, while your spouse never reciprocated. After a divorce you can just focus on you, or you and your kids if you have any. It's not the end of the world, it's just the end of a bad relationship. No more having to blame yourself, no more having to put up with things you were forced to put up with. It's just you focusing on you and how to improve the quality of your life.


Here's a few scenarios where you SHOULD consider ending your relationship with a nice quick divorce.

1. You caught your spouse cheating. They promised to do this and that, but when it comes time do what they said, you get little to no action. If your spouse has even the tiniest bit of respect for you and values your relationship, they'd at least bother to go to marriage counseling with you at least ONCE.

2. Your spouse is overly flirts and you confronted them about it. They repeatedly shrug it off and say "it's nothing", even though it is against marriage and a disrespect to you as a person when they flirt with someone else. If your spouse refuses to even consider talking about this, then you can be sure if an opportunity to have an emotional affair rears itself, your spouse will most likely take it. Overly flirting and undermining YOUR needs and the boundaries of your marriage is a sign that your relationship maybe on the rocks. Especially if this is the first time you've had your relationship "tested" and a compromise needed to be made.

3. You are sick of being lied to. Getting lied to a couple of times, maybe you could look passed that. Getting lied to for years, I say divorce your spouse. To quote possibly the most intelligent man who has ever lived on the planet Earth, "Insanity : doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."- Albert Einstein


Just remember that if it feels like you're forcing it to work, you probably are. It won't last if you're the only one trying to save your marriage.

Keep Cellphone From Being Spied On

We talk alot about mobile spies and cellphone software that can let people read texts messages remotely in this blog. But how do we prevent malicious people from doing it to our mobilephones?

With a cellphone spy that reads simcards, your only option of preventing people from spying on it is not to let them get their hands on your cellphone. Sim card readers basically extract data from simcards, meaning they need to physically insert your simcard into the simcard reader. You can't do anything about it if they get your simcard, they could simply insert it in the card reader and plug it in a PC and they can get your data.

With a cellphone spy SOFTWARE, those that remotely view your inbox/pictures/videos, you will have to password protect your cellphone so no one but you can open your phone. If they do not know your password, they can't install the cellphone spies. You have to make sure your password is difficult to crack, because once someone can access your cellphone, they can spy on it by installing the software. Since these softwares are undetectable, there's not much you can do.

You can also just disable the internet on your cellphone, that way the mobie spies (if there are any) can't connect to the webserver and transmit your data for others to view.

Things that may mean your cellphone is being spied on/tapped :

The battery, even when unused, gets hot/warm.
Unexpected blinking LEDs
Unexpected internet activity (although some are undetectable)
Random noise/beeping when you are in a phone conversation.
LED/Phone light button stays lit or lightly lit even after turning off the phone.

Mobile Phone Spy FAQs

My spouse installed a Mobile Phone Spy on my phone, but I changed phones but still have the same number, can I still get spied on?
No. These mobile phone spies are software based spy tools, meaning if you change your phone, that means you have a brand new system, with nothing installed on it.

Can I install anti spyware to prevent my phone from being spied on?
You could, if they were made to detect these custom mobile phone spies. The custom made cell phone spies (the ones on the sidebar) are currently undetectable. They come with a subscription fee because the software continually evolves to patch over any anti spyware software you install. So you will be part of a continuous cycle of anti spyware patching over cell phone spies, and cell phone spies patching anti spyware. Patching refers to the software updating itself; cell phone spies patch to be undetected, anti spyware patches to detect.

What's the best way to prevent someone from spying on my phone?
Do the methods described above. For sim card readers, keep your cell phone away from people who might spy on them. For software based spies, keep your phone passworded and watch anyone who uses your phone to prevent them from installing anything. Don't let your cell phone out of your sight. Also disable blue tooth so people can't send you anything with viruses (these are different from cell phone spy programs). Anything that requires a download, such as multimedia files, images videos etc can contain malicious files. Don't know the sender? Don't accept the attachments.

What's the best way to avoid viruses?
Besides installing anti virus / anti spyware software, the old saying holds a lot of water. "If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't". Don't fall for freeware on the internet. Free ring tones, free images, free anything.

I'm not saying buy everything, just don't blindly accept or download things from the internet. Google the website you want to receive free stuff for before you download anything from them. Most browsers also have a malicious site detector that will warn you before you enter a website. Firefox has it, so you might want to download the free browser.

Disclaimer :

Please remember that monitoring a cellphone YOU DON'T OWN is illegal. So is attaching a GPS device on a car you don't own. Any kind of monitoring you do should be on a piece of equipment or property that YOU DO OWN. You are responsible for your own actions and the actions of the people you hire (private investigators).

Private Investigators during Valentine's Day

Different security businesses and private investigators say that cheating rate goes up during Valentine's Day. Some even go as far as to thank the cheaters for their increase in sales during valentine's day, because for them, when your spouse cheats on you they make a lot of money from selling their services to help you catch your spouse red handed. Knowing the fact that there are more instances of cheating during valentine's day, you should plan ahead to prevent cheating.

Some things you could do, if you don't know whether or not you have a cheating spouse is look for cheating signs. If you know you have a cheating spouse, set a plan for valentine's day and make sure your spouse will have no excuse to leave or not be with you on that day. If they have already preemptively said that they will be out of town for work, or have other things to do and can't be home, you could take a look at GPS car trackers, or cellphone GPS software to track your car or your cellphone.


Watch what this private investigator has to say about cheaters and private investigators.



A day in the life of a private eye



If you are looking to hire a private eye, please read this guide to help you select a private investigator. Be sure to do your research, if you hire an amateur PI, he or she may get you into legal trouble if they do anything illegal.

If you have had any experience with a private investigator, please use the "private investigator reviews" page and post about it to help others who are looking for a good reliable PI company.

On a lighter note, watch jimmy kimmel make fun of cheaters in this video :

Save Your Marriage or Ditch it?

When should you consider ending or saving your marriage?

Let's face it, even if you love your spouse with all your heart, you should accept the possibility that you have fallen for the wrong person. It's pointless thinking "how can I save my marriage" over and over and over if your spouse is unwilling. Even if you unconditionally love your husband or wife, if they don't want to be with you there is no way to keep them, and you'll have to accept that. That's as blunt as I can put it, a partnership is only a partnership if both people want it to be a partnership. All the love in the world won't save your marriage if it's coming from only one person in the relationship.

Don't even read any further if you feel that your spouse is not cooperative, has no will to save your marriage, or you simply feel they do not care one iota about what is happening to you and your family. Just look for a divorce lawyer and save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy crying over nothing. I say nothing because there really is nothing about it that you can do. Don't want to snap out of your delusional bubble just because I said so? Go and take a look at the country's(for America at least) divorce rate. If your spouse doesn't want you, go right ahead and leave him/her. They probably never deserved you in the first place anyway. Save your unconditional love for someone worth it.

According to an article in Time Magazine, Jennifer Baker, director of the marriage- and family-therapy programs at Forest Institute, says that the divorce rate is a tricky statistic, and said that the 50% of all marriages statistic is not accurate at all.

Here's some interesting statistics taken from divorce experts on the Time article :

"23% of college graduates who married in the '70s split within 10 years."

"49% of those who married young and did so without a degree lasted 20 years."

I'm sure those statistics did not care to include how many spouses were in "forced relationships", or who just didn't want to end the relationship no matter how unhappy they were. I'm not trying to be mean, but think about how much happier you would be in a relationship where both of you love each other. If you're the only one giving love that is not a real marriage and you should stop trying to save your marriage, and just end it.

"My spouse cheated on me, can we still save our marriage?"
That would depend on your husband or wife, are they willing to work on saving your marriage? Do they accept what YOU want to do to save your marriage? Are they compromising, accepting, or making excuses for cheating on you?

A sign that you can still save your marriage is that your spouse is agreeing with you when you say you want to go to marriage counseling. Your husband or wife should agree to anything you say to help steer the direction of your marriage towards repairing trust. Marriage counseling is what you need, aside from being honest with each other. For some people who can't afford to pay for marriage counseling, I suggest saving up for it. Even just a few sessions of marriage counseling. I can't give you a price because it differs from area to area, but if you are seriously wanting to save your relationship and avoid divorce, go to Google.com and search "Marriage counseling *your city*".


Alternatives to Marriage counseling
We live in the age of the internet, so you probably have thought of looking up online marriage counseling. If you haven't yet, those do exist. Some call it "telecounseling", it's usually for people who do not want to be seen at a "shrink", or just people who are strapped for cash. It's a cheaper, private alternative for marriage counseling. What I can recommend is you try out this eCourse on saving your marriage, by Dr Gunzburz. It's alot cheaper than going to an actual marriage counseling course in real life.

If you are not going to take this ecourse seriously, don't bother signing up. Just drag your spouse to a marriage counselor when you can afford to (which you also need to treat seriously). It's still worth taking a look at the testimonials from couples they have helped. The course is called "Save My Marriage Today" by Amy Waterman, and the link above is the "Blue Print For Saving Your Marriage" by Dr. Gunzburg.

I recommend Dr. Gunzburg because they also offer one on one online coaching sessions, and both their courses, save your marriage and how to survive an affair, are focused on the individual and then the couple; so each of you will get your own assignments and workbook that you will need to complete.

On the other hand, if you chose to ditch your marriage instead of save it, stay tuned for the divorce article with tips on how to do your own divorce and how not to lose your possessions in a bad divorce.

How to save your marriage

1. Marriage counseling - You need to drop your pre-defined notion of what people do in marriage counseling and just go. These are professionals who will help save your marriage. There are also other courses, for divorced people who want to make sure their kids get the best support before, during and after a divorce. For alternatives to this method, see the above links for the online marriage counseling courses.

2. Couples retreat - Same as marriage counseling but you dedicate a whole week, or more sometimes, to get away from it all and go to a place that will destress you both. I'd recommend this much more than just finding a local marriage counselor because in normal marriage counseling, you just head on over to your local marriage counselor, finish your session, or group session if you opted for that, then head on back home. In a regular troubled marriage, it is very stressful in the house and there is lots of tension, especially after a bout with infidelity. In a couples retreat, it's a long period of time where you get to spend AND enjoy time with your loved one. The benefits far outweigh the price couples retreats have over regular counseling. It also makes for a good "surprise gift" if your relationship is in the dumps, but not yet to the point you both are thinking of ending it.

3. Compromise and Planning - Set aside a day for the sole purpose of compromise and planning. Take a day off from work if you have to. This is important and you should treat it as important. This is something you can do as a couple with no help from a professional marriage counselor. List down the things that are causing problems in your relationship and thoroughly discuss it. You should each give a reason why it is causing problems, and what you are willing to do. When my husband and I were having problems, we did this right before going to a couples retreat, which we also again did there.

What I wanted a compromise for was his boundaries with the opposite sex, because he had one workmate who was flirting with him and was getting touchy. I told him that he should not allow other women to be touchy with him, same thing I do and not allow any other man but him to be touchy with me. I told him it makes me feel jealous and he should only allow that with me, his wife. He said he didn't even consider it hurtful and he didn't know I got jealous, and he agreed. It was that simple to get rid of flirting. They're still friends up to now, but there's just no more flirty-touching going on. The reason we went to couples retreat was because we wanted to strengthen our relationship, not exactly save it because we are doing fine. In the retreat we learned to appreciate one another more and made a plan on how to deal with little insecurities that usually end up in small fights.

Unfortunately for my first marriage, my then husband was unwilling to change ANYTHING, and I was unwilling to accept being a doormat and changing everything for him. I divorced my first husband, and my husband now (Mike), understands how I feel more than anyone else because he too was a victim of infidelity. Although we from time to time have problems, it's nothing we can't fix, and ultimately we are both very happy together.

4. Honesty - It's as simple as that. Just be honest with each other. If you have trust issues because you have been cheated on, you will HAVE to open up again and trust your spouse. Slowly, but surely trust in your spouse. A marriage counselor will help quicken this development, but it will still be up to you whether you believe your spouse can be trusted again or not.

No amount of counseling or retreats will convince someone who doesn't want to believe their spouse is capable of change. For those people, you should think about getting a divorce. Don't look at divorce as something negative. If you are MISERABLE in your relationship, divorce is a GOOD thing.

Friendship vs Emotional Affairs

What's the difference between friendship and emotional affairs? Some of you may be a little bit over protective over your spouse's relationship. Having a friend of the opposite sex will not destroy your marriage. How do you know if your wife's friend is actually trying to steal her away? How do you know if your husband's secretary is only working on company matters, and not your husband?

Watch for signs of an emotional affair! You don't need to outright BAN them from having friends of the opposite sex, you just need to watch how your spouse interacts with them. Being jealous without anything that backs up your suspicion is just being irrational and paranoid. Try to think of it rationally, ask yourself if you would do the same to a friend of the opposite sex.

Some of the things that should be considered as "red flags" of an emotional affair are :

1. Your spouse continues conversation with the person even after work. Unneeded interaction may not always be considered a sign of an emotional affair, but it should be monitored especially if your spouse is the one initiating it. If for example your wife is always being texted or called after work times by a workmate, then there are a few options for her. 1 would be to entertain the phone call if it is work related, and then end it when they are done with work. 2. Tell the workmate they can talk about it at work, if it isn't urgent. 3. Reply to text message that are only work related.

This can change if your spouse is friends with this person. It isn't normal for a few minutes of socialization, but if they talk for an hour or so after work, regarding things that are not work related, then this could be a sign of an emotional affair building up.

2. Webcam chats with your spouse. I don't think this is even necessary for work chats online. Unless there's a special case that absolutely needs a webcam, this is definitely a sign of an emotional affair. You can tell whether or not your spouse is hiding something if he/she minimizes the webcam videos when you enter the room.

Chatting from time to time is okay, but do you really need to use the webcam? Take note of what your spouse is wearing too. They may be having more than a chat. If you suspect that they are having some inappropriate chats through cams, you may want to get a simple keylogger that takes screenshots of your computers activity before you confront them. When you confront a spouse they may try to be more secretive and might not even use the computer anymore when you are around.

3. Hiding emails and text messages. Another sign of emotional affairs, or even cheating. When someone texts or emails you and your spouse sees you texting/typing, if she asks what are you doing what do you respond? You're open and honest about it right? That's because it's the normal way of answering someone when you have nothing to hide.

Now if your spouse's reaction to you asking about his or her texts/emails is something defensive and secretive, you may be dealing with an emotional affair or actual infidelity. A spouse with nothing to hide would even allow you to look at their emails or cellphone. It's pretty common that spouse's know each others passwords or allow you to use their cellphones.

4. You catch your spouse confiding in a person of the opposite sex. This is a sensitive subject and would depend on what your husband or wife is confiding. If it's something serious like how your marriage is on the rocks and needs to be saved, is definitely not something you talk about with just a normal friend. Especially not something you would talk about with a friend of the opposite sex. I would consider that they are either in an emotional affair already, or this could be the start of an emotional affair.

Now what would you normally talk about with a friend? Financial problems would be acceptable, Car problems, shopping help (usually husbands ask their wife's friends for help), anything generic that does not involve your spouse's relationship with you. You can be sure they are in an emotional affair if they straight out go to the other person even before you. This can be done over the email, sms, or chatting online.

5. Spending time with someone after work. Another sensitive subject, it's who your wife or husband goes out with after work and what they do. It's an emotional affair if your wife goes out with another man (from work) and they eat dinner together. Once in a while, it may be acceptable and considered friendship, but if it's a regular thing that they eat out together every friday or everyday I would consider that an emotional affair.

I would consider it friendship, and not an emotional affair, IF they eat together with a group of other workmates. That's normal, and friends do that all the time. But if they are just together alone with each other, that's different. Try to get a GPS tracker to monitor your car or cellphone if you can't be sure of this. Even better, if they go out in a group with other workmates, get to know the workmates and befriend someone. You can then find out from that person how they interact with each other within the group.


Some things that is considered leaving the world of emotional affairs and heading straight to real, physical affairs that ruin marriages are :

1. Hand holding. This is what lovers do. Subtle way of letting the people around know you are connected. An emotional affair is usually just sharing intimate details with someone who is not your spouse and confiding in them. Hand holding is physical and should only ever be done with your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend.

2. Different types of flirting. This is what you first do when you started dating your spouse. Flirting lets the other person know you are very much interested or attracted to them. It's what let you know that your spouse was interested in your, and it's what led to your marriage. If your spouse is now flirting with someone else, then that's a sign of an affair beginning, not just an emotional affair anymore.

3. Favors. A touchy topic, but favors someone would do for your spouse that they wouldn't do to anyone else is a sign that they are beginning a relationship. Things like driving them somewhere. Taking them home. Picking them up. Buying them things. Being extra nice. All make it look like they are dating or she is being courted.

4. Throwing them a party for a special occation. If your spouse has a birthday coming up, and some girl/guy is the one who throws them a party instead of you, WITHOUT trying to contact you so you can arrange the party together, that's them making a move on your spouse. Not only are they wanting to build a relationship with your spouse, they're also undermining you by not including you in the preparation so they can take full credit.

5. Buying them inappropriate clothing. This is self explanatory. No regular "friend" would buy your wife lingerie and ask them to wear it. Some people do this and even ask your spouse if they are wearing it. If your spouse entertains this, there is something going on. If your spouse kept this secret from you and you found out on your own, you can be sure something is going on.

More info on what is an emotional affair. 

Differences between emotional affairs and friendship

Here are some examples of situations on how your spouse would act if they were in a normal situation vs if they were in an emotional affair.

After work, a workmate of the opposite sex asks your spouse to go out for drinks.

In a normal relationship your spouse would call or text you that they will be drinking with that person, and tell you they'll be late. No secrecy, no reason to be afraid to tell you the truth, because it's all innocent. This could happen often, or once in awhile, it doesn't matter because you always know and their story always fits the timeline.

If they are having an emotional affair, your spouse won't tell you they're going out to drink, but probably give you the tired old excuse of "going to work overtime". If you install some sort of spy tool to track your spouse and try to "fish" for information, they will almost always react negatively and feel "insulted" (good liars do this to divert the topic of the conversation).

Your wife, who is a housewife, starts chatting with people online while you are at work.
In a normal relationship, the housewife will tell you about their day, including the chats they've had (with or without men). They won't have any specific guy they talk to, they just happen to talk to guys online. If anything crosses the "friend line" they permanently stop talking to them, and tell you about what happened.

If they are having an emotional affair, you won't even know that your wife chats online while you are gone. Period. Women are better at keeping secrets than men. I'm not saying men don't keep secrets too, but women are just better at it. If you do by chance smell something fishy going on and install a keylogger on your computer, you will notice that all her time chatting is spent with mostly one other guy, and the details of what they are talking about are something that only a wife's husband should know.

Your husband has a friend who is "touchy feely".
In a normal relationship, your husband would immediately put distance between themselves. If his girl friend continues doing so, he may remind her that he is married or set her straight by telling her to watch her boundaries.

If they are having an emotional affair, they won't react and would let his girl friend do as they please. This is a sign that their emotional affair is slowly breaking into the physical barrier. Once they are comfortable emotionally, it only takes a little more time before they start to becoming physically intimate.

Your spouse gets a phone call after work, from a workmate.
In a normal relationship, your spouse would either dismiss the call if it was unimportant or take a few minutes to work on it.

In an emotional affair, your spouse will use this as an excuse to leave the room to get some privacy for their "work" related call. If they've already got a full blown affair going your spouse might even use this as an "emergency" call that warrants a trip back to the office.

Reverse Image Tracking

So you opened your spouse's email, and found several pictures of an unknown girl/guy. You want to know who this person is and is this person cheating with your spouse. You don't have the cash to spare for a private investigator, cellphone spies, or keyloggers, so you try to look up pictures of the same person on your spouse's facebook/myspace but can't find any. In this article I'll teach you how to use Reverse Image tracking to find out the origins or other copies of that same picture you just found on your spouse's email.

This is useful for those of you who have access to your spouse's facebook/myspace/emails where they keeps pictures in. It's not uncommon for cheating spouses to keep pictures of the women or men they cheat with. So to save money and not have to hire a private investigator to track the picture's origin, you can try and do a little detective work of your own.

This method will only work for people who actually find pictures that their cheating spouses' hide. Whether this will help you decide that you have a cheating spouse or not is up to you, what I'm going to show you now is just how to find the source of that picture.


Steps to Reverse Image Tracking :

Step 1 Download that picture to your desktop.

Step 2 Upload that picture to this website.

Step 3 Select "Best Match" under Sort Order.

That's all you need to do and you'll be able to see all pictures that are either similar, or identical to your spouse's pic you uploaded. You can also try and upload a picture of your spouse to check what other websites are hosting it. Your husband or wife may have another social site/website/secret blog that they are not telling you about. Great way to find out for free if your spouse has any signs that they are cheating.

Here's an example of the above steps. We'll use a picture of someone famous, like Marilyn Monroe.


First we upload the picture. You can also just link to it directly. To link to a picture directly, select the picture of your spouse, or the suspected person they are cheating with and do one of the following :

FireFox browsers
Right click on the picture and click on "Copy Image location"
Paste that copied link on the link option to the right of the upload option.

For Google Chrome browsers
Right click on the picture and click on "Copy Image URL"
Paste that copied link on the link option to the right of the upload option.

For Internet Explorer browsers
Right click on the picture and click on "Properties"
Highlight and copy the URL found on "Adress (URL)" line and paste it on the link option to the right of the upload option.It should look like this if you choose to upload. If you chose to directly link (won't work if your spouse's picture is set to private or is at their email), link should be filled up instead of the upload option.

The results will then be displayed after the website searches for the pictures inside their database. It should look like this when you're done. The red area is where your results will be displayed, with the most relevant starting at the top.


This will hopefully help you find out if your spouse could potentially be cheating on you, or show you the origins of the pictures they secretly keep. If you get lucky and find someone's facebook/myspace or website with their name on it, and you think that person could be cheating on your with your spouse, you can try and take this step a little further by looking for a phonenumber on their social sites and the running a background check on that phone. There's a link on the sidebar for reverse phone tracking which is private and discreet. You could also use that reverse phone tracking tool on unknown or unsaved phone numbers on your spouse's cellphone or your home phone's caller ID.

If you're gutsy enough that you don't care if they find out about you (with their caller ID or *69) you can just call them and fish for information, like their name and if they know who your spouse is.


Some tips on where to find pictures to reverse image track

1. If you have access to your spouse's phone, upload the pictures to your computer and then use reverse image tracking to find out who those people are or where their sites/facebok/myspace is located at.

2. Use a cellphone spy program that lets you download images and videos from your spouse's phone if you don't have access to it.

3. Check the company website your husband/wife works for and look at the employees section. Try and remember someone of the opposite sex that your spouse has either talked about little too much, or never mentioned them at all and run their pictures on the reverse tracking site.

4. Do a search on your computer for hidden files/images.

5. You can also try and googling your spouse's name, and see who posts his/her pictures, or talks about him/her.

Got caught cheating on your spouse, now what?

So you got caught(serves you right), and now you're thinking s/he is always going to think I'm a cheating husband/wife, what can I do to gain their trust back? Here are some things you should know if you want to genuinely save your marriage and repair the broken trust. And of course never cheat again.

Common things cheating spouses say or do after they get caught :

I love you. Sure it's sweet when you say it when YOU DON'T CHEAT, but it's just not going to cut it after you cheat on your spouse. You might even incite a meltdown or get your spouse to yell at you for saying that after you did the opposite of what a lover does. Don't do this.

It's not that I X it's because you think Y. NEVER EVER try to convince, argue or talk your way out of an affair. Your husband or wife will never change their feelings on what happened, especially if they caught you with evidence from a cellphone spy, or video cam. You'd have to be extremely dense to even attempt to do this after you got caught cheating.

Be over the top. Try to imply your spouse is exaggerating what happened, it was just sex I don't love her, or it was nothing you're being too sensitive about this, I didn't cheat on you, we just used the phone. Do this and you will most likely never get his or her trust back.

Overly Pessimistic. If you get caught cheating and you act overly pessimistic and think you will never gain her trust back and save your marriage, you will never gain your trust back and save your marriage. You are at fault, and you have to earn her trust back. Don't act like this, and you will eventually gain it back.

Blaming your spouse. Probably the most common of all the after affair responses, the blame game. Hasn't work, will never work, don't even try it.

Acting depressed and threatening suicide. May work for a short period of time, but not because you fixed the consequences of your affair, but because you guilted him/her into staying with you. What are you going to do when your spouse stay with you until you are better, then leaves you after that, threaten to suicide again? That won't work, don't be pathetic and do this. Suicide is cowards.

Involving relatives to help persuade your spouse. No. Just don't do this. You shouldn't try to persuade your spouse that everything is okay even if you cheated, which makes involving relatives to help persuade them even more a wrong move. You may even get your spouse to leave the house. You are just asking for a divorce.


Lies. "I really won't cheat on you anymore" "This is the last time I do X and I won't even talk to Y anymore". This is just wrong, do not do this. Anyone who has been cheated on knows that your words won't mean anything until you gain trust back. How do you gain trust back? Actions, not words. You can sweet talk your husband or wife all you want, if you don't show improvements in action you aren't going to see improvements in trust.

Believing everything will be okay. You go to church, confess your sins, and then think everything will magically be alright when you get home. Sorry, god won't do anything for you. It's like people praying for a car, or a new house, or more money. Just won't work.

Bribing your spouse. You start buying your spouse things, you start doing things for your spouse you don't normally do, you say you'll do anything to make it up. Not going to work. If your spouse tells you to go to marriage counseling with her, you better go. That's a positive step, but just buying your wife/husband new things won't do anything.


Those are the things to avoid doing after you've cheated on your loved one, now here are some things that will actually help :


Accept that YOU were wrong. If you've been cheated on by your husband or wife, you know how painful it feels. Blaming them will cause them even more pain. When your spouse is so depressed and they feel like there's nothing else BUT depression, they will do what any human would do, cut you out of their lives. So don't blame them.

Accept what they want to do. If your spouse loves you enough to stay with you after you have betrayed their trust, accept what they want you to do. You shouldn't haggle or beg, accept. They want you to come home at 7PM, accept that and do it. They want you to attend marriage counselling with them once a week? Accept that. They want you to send them a text message once in a while whenever you have free time? Do it, I don't see why you wouldn't want to talk to your spouse, you did marry that person.

Tell your wife or husband what caused the affair. Sometimes this can be something as simple as that. You were not getting X so you went to Y to get X. After telling your spouse this, DO NOT FORCE YOUR SPOUSE to do it, find a compromise. If you can't find a compromise, wait it out and try again. You should know that someone who has been cheated feels very vulnerable, depressed, and USED. So let him or her come to terms with the affair you had, and s/he'll most likely want to find even ground.

Act happy. Yes, even if you aren't. When s/he makes you do something, do it and act happy. Don't feel like you are forced to do any of it, and do it like it was your idea and you want to do it. If you accept everything she wants to do, but do it in a manner that implies you hate doing it, you may as well get a divorce and save both of you the time.


Are you willing to do all of these? Or do you want to get a divorce? You should think about that because cheating on someone twice, or staying with them til you can find someone better is just cruel and a waste of time for your spouse.

If you are serious about wanting to save your marriage, you might want to read this book or even enroll at an online course. You could also contact a local marriage counselor by googling "marriage counseling *your location*". Nothing says you are serious about saving your marriage more than actions. Reading a book on how to save your marriage, enrolling in a course, or telling your spouse you were wrong and want to take her to a local marriage counselor is one of the best ways to make up for having an affair.

What Cellphone Spy I Recommend To Catch A Cheat

Overview on the similarities of both cellphone spies :

• Both of these work internationally, as long as the phone can connect to the internet.
• Both can read sent, stored, and deleted text messages.
• Both have GPS tracking that make use of Google Maps.
• Both have a phonebook viewer.
• Both have a call details log.
• Both can be installed in multiple phones that you own.

Scroll to the very bottom of this page for the exact phones they work on, or click on relevant links to see the manufacturer's page. Please READ the disclaimers of the manufacturers before buying, and read up on your local state laws regarding the monitoring of your spouse's cellphone.

Update March 2012 : Cellphone spy 2 (sniper spy) has been discontinued. I will look for a suitable replacement once I've tried software that lets you capture videos, isn't loaded with overkill features, and isn't overpriced.


I posted an article "Cell phone spy overview" almost 2 years ago, and people ask the same question over and over. I posted that article in hopes of providing something to help GUIDE you into picking your own cellphone spy software to catch a cheating spouse. I've been answering your individual comments when I have time, but I know I'm not always quick in getting it done (I have a life too you know) so I decided to do a follow up to it that will hopefully answer your more specific question "What do I use to spy on my spouse's *insert phone here*"

If you stumbled onto this page first and want a general overview on the different types of cell phone spies available, check the first post. It briefly describes the usual cellphonespy softwares you are likely to find, there are more but those 3 are the most common ranging from cheapest($30-40) to most expensive ($100+).

The most commonly asked question is "What can I use to spy on my spouse's iPhone/blackberry/Android/Symbian ?". Since most of the comments don't like the generic cellphone spy software descriptions, I'll get into specifics on this one.

I picked a cellphone spy that is useable in almost any smart phone (iPhone/blackberry/android/symbian), is moderately priced ($60), has a 60 day money back guarantee, and comes with all the features most of us want in a cellphone spy. I consider this a steal because of all the features available and of course the 60day guarantee.

Cellphone Spy 1 overview - Click here for the actual softwareCurrently on discount.$60 $49 marked down from $150 (As of May 2011)
One time fee, no subscriptions.

If you have an old phone, you are stuck to using hardware based simcard readers, this is software that is designed for smartphones (iphone/blackberry/etc)

Cellphone Spy 1 Works with the following phones :

1. Android phones 1.0 or higher
2. BlackBerry phones OS 4.2.1 or higher
3. iPhone OS 2.x, 3.x and 4.x
4. Symbian S60 3rd Edition, 3rd Edition Feature Pack 1, 3rd Edition Feature Pack 2 and 5th Edition Phones
5. Windows Mobile 5.x and 6.x
   

UPDATE May 2012 :
New feature added - Phototracker

Photo Tracking - You will now be able to see all pictures sent and received by the particular phone you're using. This software just keeps getting better, and is still a one time fee- no subs.

SMS/text message viewer - The core feature that we want. SMS Tracking allows us to view text messages on your spouse's cellphone remotely, no hardware necessary. Hardware SMS tracking requires you to remove your spouse's simcard and insert it into the card reader to extract data. You won't need that with this software. It not only lets you read it remotely through the website you register on, it will also show you EVERY text message, whether it's still in the inbox or not. Yes, DELETED text messages are shown to you.

Call tracking - An additional bonus, you get to see call specific details. Such as the NAME of the caller, or who your spouse called (if it is a registered number), the cellphone number, the exact time the call was made or received and how long the conversation lasted. I think this is sufficient enough, the cellphone spies that actually record calls or allows you to listen in costs around $500+, which is a bit too much an unnecessary in most cases.

Phone Book spying - You can get to spy on your wife/husband's phonebook on their cellphone. It lists every number on the website so you can do it remotely.

GPS tracking - This cellphone spy also gives you the ability to track the exact location of the cellphone ANYWHERE in the world. It also has a function that lets you see exactly where they are on Google Maps. Another core feature that is a necessity in my opinion. If you're looking for GPS tracking this is actually cheaper then getting the stand alone GPS trackers found on amazon ($50-100+ depending on models).

Ease of use - This software spy is a "set and forget" type of thing. Once you install it (takes around a minute), it is undetectable and you don't even need access again to your husband or wife's phone. Just install it, log on to the website and remotely monitor your spouse's phone activities or track their location via Google Maps/GPS tracking.

Multiple phones - You can use this to track not only your spouse's phone but also your kids. For $60 you can monitor unlimited phones, which is why I called it a steal, because if we rely on hardware we are limited to just 1 phone / cellphone spy.

Security - Did I mention that it is undetectable? Well it is. It's invisible once you're done installing. Never touch your spouse's phone after you install, all you need to do is log in to the software's website and you can remotely monitor all phones you installed the software on. They GUARANTEE it cannot be detected. If it does get detected, you'll get 100% of your money back. It's not difficult recommending something that has a 60 day 100% money back guarantee.

Support staff - This mobile spy software comes with support on their website, it also has an added optional fee($10) if you want premium support. Not sure why anyone would need that though because it's simple to install and track the cellphone's activities. As long as you read the phones they work with you'll be okay and not need to use the support. (I listed above the phones the software works with)


Will my phone work with this software?
This cellphone spy software requires an internet connection, the complete list of phones(exact names) that work with this phone is attached at the bottom of the page.


How does this spy software work?

Step 1. After you buy the software, it will allow you to download it.

Step 2. Install on a mobile phone that you own. ( Please do your own research on your own state laws regarding spy devices that monitor cell phones or other types of conversations. Read the official site's disclaimers before you buy anything)

Step 3. Log in to the website and monitor the phone you installed it on.

How this particular cell spy software works is once installed, it can then communicate with the server and feed it all the details. It is undetected by the phone user, but still transmits data from the phone to the server, and all you do is log into the website and access the data there.

I numbered it Cellphone spy 1 because I'm researching more alternatives and decided to start on the one time payment software spies. This by far is the best for it's price, features, and money back guarantee, I don't really want to recommend something that will cost several hundred dollars or is just plain bad and does not work (no guarantee). For hundreds of dollar you could just hire a private investigator. I'll update when something better comes along.

Update January 2011: Added a more complex mobile spy, with image, video, website and more features.

CellphoneSpy 2 overview - Click here for the actual software (discontinued as of March 2012)Update : I'll update this with a similar cell phone spy as soon as I find and test one. This has been discontinued as of march 2012.

Update 2013 : There's no need for an alternative. Cell Phone spy 1 does everything now, and competitors are a tad more expensive.

Unlike the first cell phone spy, this has an $80 per year subscription.

Cellphone Spy 2's difference from cellphone spy 1 is that it is far more complex, with video, image and web usage tracking. If you only want to view your spouse's text messages/call times and duration/GPS location, get cellphone spy 1. Why I recommend cellphone spy 1 over this is because it's a one time fee of $49. Cellphone spy 2 is a YEARLY subscription.

Why is there a subscription? Simple because you use up more storage than you would with cellphone spy 1. With this mobile spy, you get everything you get from Cellphone spy 1 with some additional features. See pictures and descriptions below :



SMS tracking - Same as the first mobile spy discussed here, you get to view all texts that were made by the phone, deleted or not.

Call logs - Again, same as cellphone spy 1, you get to view the call details such as who called who, what numbers were in the call, what time did the call happen, and how long the call lasted.

GPS logs - Still the same as above, you will get the location of the phone and a link to where it is positioned on the map (via google maps).

Website logs - pretty self explanatory, all websites visited on that phone will be logged in your online account.

Photo logs - This will store all photos AND videos taken with the phone, and display them in your online account at full size/resolution. Think about this feature before you subscribe to this software, do you REALLY need to see your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend send dirty pictures? For some I think this is a bit too much, and would rather just see the texts and GPS locations.

Contact logs - Same as the above, your spouse's phonebook will be saved and will be viewable in your online account.

Email logs - This feature saves emails sent/received from your spouse's phone.

All the other features are pretty much self explanatory.

This cellphone spy is the EXACT, and I mean carbon copy, of this mobile spy(update 2013 : discontinued) but guess what, this only costs $80 per year, while the other mobile spy costs $50 every 4 months, or $100 per year. So if you buy cellspy 2, you'll save $70 vs their 4 month plan, or $20 vs their 1 year plan. I have no idea why they charge more if they have the exact same software. I guess some people feel safer buying from a website that says "USA based company". Whichever you choose, both cell phone spying software are identical, so if you want the cheaper version, get cellphone spy 2 (discontinued, mobile spy still exists), if you want to pay $70/$20 more for the same thing, go with this mobile spy(update 2013 : discontinued).

If you don't care about video, image, website, email tracking that cellphone spy 2 has, then go with cellphone spy 1 for it's basic 1 time payment cell spying features. It's what I recommend and I do not think it is necessary at all to try and catch you spouse sending or receiving nude photos or videos. That's a bit too much information and if they are doing that then you can definitely be sure they are "sexting" anyway. That's just my opinion, I do not need to see my spouse sending pictures of that sort because it will be too painful to handle and may impair reason.


Will my phone work with this software?
This cellphone spy software requires an internet connection, the complete list of phones(exact names) that work with this phone is attached at the bottom of the page.


What does the cellphone GPS tracking look like?

This is for both cellphone spy 1 and cellphone spy 2, although the graphical interface for both are different, the results are similar.

Step 1
Go to the main menu and look for the GPS logs section or GPS tracking section.


Step 2
Select a time and click "View Map". You can also adjust the frequency at which these locations are taken and saved. Don't be too aggressive and set it to scan their location every 10 minutes or something. Every hour (default) should be a good setting.



If you've been together with your partner for a long time, you'll know exactly where they go (work, bar, etc) so you can easily tell if they are lying when they are no at the place they claim to be.

Step 3
You'll then be taken to Google Maps with a green marker pointing to where exactly the cellphone currently is at that time you specified. From the Google Maps page you now have even MORE options. One is getting directions to that location and two is viewing the location via webcam (if it's available), using Google Earth, for a 3D image of the place, and viewing actual pictures of the place from a specific point of view. Here are a few pictures of what I found using both cellphone spies.

To get the exact address, either look at the picture to the top left and copy that address (landmark should be labeled using the Red A marker). You can get the directions from that landmark, or you can ask google (by clicking "get directions") to give you the exact directions to get to the actual green marker marked by your cellphone spy. The current location of the red landmark is seen on the picture to the right.

If you would like to view webcams on that area, you can check the left side or directly on the map if it is available.

You will also be able to view pictures of the actual area from different point of views. Just drag the little yellow person icon and drop it on one of the blue marker dots. Those blue marker dots are where people took pictures, so you can view those and see the area from the exact coordinates of the blue marker on the map. To do this, follow the example picture below.




I think these two are the only cellphone spy programs I'll recommend, since the others cost hundreds of dollars and have features I consider over kill ("silent calling" a phone to spy on immediate surrounding). If you would like to read the guide on how to pick your own cellphone spy, check out the sidebar link to that article. Be sure to read the comment section of that post as well.

After reading both articles, I'm sure you'll agree cell phone trackers are the cheapest tracking devices to use against cheating spouses when you factor in all the features. If you were planning to get a private eye, GPS device or, keylogger, I hope this has changed your mind. This is basically an all in one spy gadget, the most you will ever need.

Some FAQs : 
Do I need to jailbreak my iPhone? 
Yes.

Is jailbreaking legal? 
Yes, the US Government says it's legal to jailbreak an iphone.

How do I jailbreak my phone?
Both sites have that included in their installation guide.

If my husband installed a spy software like this on my phone, and I change my number, will I still get spied on?
Yes, if you leave the phone's software untouched. You have to reformat your mobile before you can get rid of the spy program.

Will this work for x phone?
Scroll down to the list of cell phones below this section, I've listed pretty much all the phones they work with. You could also click on the cell phone spy you are interested in and check their list, or send an email to their support team.

How do I know the software is doing it's job?
After you've follow the manufacturer's installation guide, send a text message from your phone to the phone you installed the spyware on. Wait a few minutes, make sure the target's phone has internet access, then log on to their website. Your text message should appear in your online account's SMS log.

How do I spy on a non-smartphone cell phone? (old phones)
You won't be able to use ANY of these softwares listed for older cell phones, your choices are down to simcard readers. Simcard readers can read text messages on a simcard, that you physically insert into the card reader. If you have no access to your simcard, you will not be able to read the data in it.


Other than catching your spouse cheating, a cellphone tracker can be used for :
1. Know exactly where the phone is in case you lose it. Makes reporting it to the police much easier.

2. Make sure your teenagers are safe when they take trips out of town, and know exactly where they are when they have sleepovers.

3. If you provide cellphones to your employees, make sure they are using it properly and know where the location of the phone is at all times.

4. A replacement for a standalone GPS tracker. This is a pretty brilliant idea, especially if you want a GPS tracker that works internationally. Just buy the cheapest cellphone you can find that fits the requirements and install the phone there. It would also be a good idea to get not just the cheapest, but the smallest phone, so you can keep it hidden in a car. That's a lifetime one payment(lifetime subscription) GPS tracker that will last you as long as the cellphone would last(for cellphone spy 1 only). We're starting to think like professional spies :)

If cell phone trackers are not something you would want to use, or because your state laws prohibit you from using them, you might want to consider just settling for using hardware keyloggers for your home computer, maybe hidden cameras to monitor your home when you are not there.

Reminder :
Before you buy please double check the compatibility on the official sites for any changes that I may have missed. If your phone does not work with either of the two cellphone spy softwares you can request a 100% refund (within their 60 day guarantee). Don't forget to use the help sections or ask for tech support if you are lost. Both sites offer tech support and a user help section with guides.

Disclaimer :
Please remember that monitoring a cellphone YOU DON'T OWN is illegal. So is attaching a GPS device on a car you don't own. Any kind of monitoring you do should be on a piece of equipment or property that YOU DO OWN. You are responsible for your own actions and the actions of the people you hire (private investigators).