Since I've been getting emails not only from wives, but also husbands, I've decided to take the time and list not only signs of a cheating husband, but signs of a cheating wife as well.
First of, for those people that have been emailing me about gay marriage and gay relationships, I am sorry but I can see no differences on what signs you need to watch out for, if you have a cheating husband or cheating wife as a gay couple, then look at the appropriate signs listed here for a cheating husband or cheating wife. If you would like to write something that you think will help same sex marriages, feel free to email(catchacheateradmin at gmail) me and I will put it up as a guest post. Be sure to include your contact details (just a first name or pen name) if you would like them to be put up and linked to your website.
If you were looking for ways to catch a cheating spouse, see the how to catch a cheating spouse guide, it's free and updated fairly often. You may also contribute to it by sending us an email.
Please remember to do your own research on state laws regarding cellphone spies, keyloggers, or any other type of monitoring device that you wish to use to catch a cheating partner.
Signs of a cheating spouse
Some of these signs are common for most cheating spouses, but some of these (which I will explain) are only things that expert liars do. Some cheating spouses are so good at lying and manipulating their partners that you actually will end up feeling horrible for even thinking that they are cheating, when in fact they really are but have successfully manipulated you into thinking they aren't, and you're insulting them. Hard to understand? Please take a moment to read on if you're in a position like this while looking for signs of a cheating spouse, I know it is difficult, but you're doing the right thing. Being delusional leads to nowhere.
Please understand I will only "tell it like it is" and give every type of cheating husband or wife sign you should watch out for. I'm not talking about YOUR husband or wife directly, please do not be offended because all of the signs here are from personal experience, books, and other people's experiences. Just because you don't see them it doesn't mean you are safe, it's always best to have a backup plan such as a keylogger, or a cellphone spy, especially if you have kids (I use mine now to monitor my kids).
It's best you try and gather actual proof that they are cheating instead of just saying you read a list of cheating signs and they are doing exactly what you read. It will just end up as a he said she said argument that will lead to a stressful relationship, and possibly a wiser cheater who will know what to avoid next time they cheat on you.
Moving on, these are the cheating signs:
1. You notice the condoms you keep are slowly decreasing even if you do not have intercourse more than a few times a month. An obvious sign you may have a cheating husband.
2. Your wife buys contraceptives, even though you have had a vasectomy or are/will be away from home for a long time. Immediate confrontation should happen, don't wait for the condoms to start disappearing, ask about why is she buying them. This is a sure sign that you have a cheating wife. By confrontation, I don't mean accuse them immediately they are cheating. Simply fish and ask why they need contraceptives for.
3. Your partner is more loving and caring than they usually are. This happens early on, when the affair is only starting out and developing. A cheating husband or wife will do this because of guilt, but you will notice swings in their mood and the overly caring or loving attitude will soon fade once the affair has been going on for longer than expected and it all seems natural to the cheater.
4. Your friends will start talking behind your back. Possibly because of them knowing about it, or hearing rumor about it from other friends. Maybe even seeing your husband or wife flirting with other people. A true friend will tell this to you face to face, and you should not be offended if they ever do, you should calmly ask them why they think so, then start your own detective work. Since you're here, you possibly suspect or have observed signs of cheating."You can't see the forest for the trees"
5. Your spouse, while being overly nice, starts buying you presents or little gifts almost every other day, after work or "overtime". This goes hand in hand with being overly nice, loving, or caring because of the guilt they experience when starting an affair. Showering you with love, attention or material things helps them feel less guilty for lying, deceiving and betraying you, and serve as a distraction and excuse for the missing time they can't explain otherwise.
6. A cheater stops being intimate and does not spend quality time with their partner as their affair goes on. You won't get the usual asking for your opinions, or confiding in you when they have problems. Two things you might get are overly nice attitude, or the exact opposite, cold and distant.
7. Your cheating husband or wife's new routine, mannerisms or behavior towards you or how he or she goes about his day gives you this gut feeling that there is something wrong. When this happens your instincts alert you to possible problems, often you start trying to find something wrong that YOU did. No one knows your partner more than you, so you are right to be suspicious when you get gut feelings like this.
8. Your cheating husband or wife creates new email accounts or starts joining dating websites, chatrooms but does not inform you about them or denies it's theirs if you found out about their secret emails. To find out about this, which would be his or her secret, read my post on how to catch a cheating spouse using keyloggers or cellphone spies.
9. The opposite of being overly nice, your cheating spouse will start to have fights with you, usually on the day they want to meet the person they are cheating on you with. Fighting with you is one reason for them to be able to leave the house without giving you a reason to suspect them of infidelity, and usually this happens because they want to meet up.
10. When your partner leaves the house, he or she smells like whatever soap you use at home, or whatever perfume/cologne they use. When your partner returns, they have no scent, or a different perfume/cologne. Sometimes a cheating spouse may even come home freshly showered.
11. Your cheating husband or wife suddenly brings up the idea of your marriage or serious relationship coming to an end when you fight. Whenever you argue about something so little, it usually becomes a full blown fight and then the topic of splitting up is raised by your partner. They would say such things like "What if I left you?", "If this continues on, I don't think I can take it anymore" or "Do you think we're meant to be together? All we do is fight". Basically all that comes out of your partner is negativity towards your marriage or serious relationship. This usually happens after a lot of time is spent in the affair and the cheating spouse is confident enough that if this marriage or relationship ends, he or she will be safe and have someone after you. A very serious sign, confrontation may be right at this point, depending on your motives.If you think your marriage is at serious risk of ending, seek marriage counseling.
12. A common thing with cheaters is they suddenly want to look better physically. One of the things they do to look more attractive is joining a gym. If you've been together for a long time and never once has the topic of going to a gym, or even taking a simple diet come up, you are right about suspecting something is going on. This is especially true for men who go out alot and work "overtime". Not only is your cheating husband or wife trying to look more attractive, but they also will get a free excuse to leave home. Joining a gym might just be an excuse altogether to leave your house. Good way to know for sure is purchasing a GPS tracker or cellphone spy to ease your worries. Another way is to just offer to go with them, either just for company or joining the same gym.
13. Your spouse may be very tense and have mood swings. A cheating wife or husband may show visible signs of excitement or happiness when about to leave the house, but seems bored and not themselves when at home or spending time with you. On the other hand if the affair has been going on for a long time already, he may try to hide it by faking his feelings when with you to make both of his relationships work, before finally picking one he wants to be in for the rest of his life. The mood swings you see maybe caused by his other relationship. When everything is perfectly normal with your marriage or relationship, then he comes home angry and seemed like he was in a fight (with the other person), he may take it out on you or even blame you for little things and say that is what is causing him to be mad and anxious. Cheating causes anxiety for both parties, especially if he really loves you but can't decide if he wants to be with you and you alone.Recent studies have shown this behavior is more common among cheating housewives than husbands, because a woman will want to pick someone who she can be secure with. "Collect and select". Read more about female affairs.
14. You find out your husband or wife has a new cellphone. You ask them about it but they just either sound like they are lying, or dismisses it like it was nothing important. A cell phone tracker may help you with determining if he is using that phone for cheating. Please do your local state laws research before you use cell phone trackers.
15. After awhile, you've experienced them being overly nice and gift buying, your wife or husband almost never starts a conversation, unless important. You're living in the same house but quality time is out of the question. You wife never cooks you your favorite meal, or your husband never is sweet or takes you out to movies. Your cheating partner is totally inconsiderate to your needs and ignores you or doesn't give you as much attention when you confide in him. You start to think he has fallen out of love with you, or worse, he has fallen in love with someone else.
16. Your partner's other cellphone is not billed in their name. He or she may have a friend's name listed, and tell you that it is a company phone. Luckily that doesn't matter if you have purchased a cellphone spy, you will be able to spy on your husband or spy on your wife's cellphone as long as it has access to an internet connection (which most phones today have).
17. Little things like taste in music gives us hints that we might have a cheating spouse. Someone who listens to classical music suddenly likes to listen to rock and roll, this is a huge change in genre and might make you wonder where or whom she/he learned this from. This is most surprising for wives that are at home most of the time, with no one to influence their taste in music. This is when you should consider installing hidden cameras at home. When your wife or husband spends most of their time at home, nothing will beat a hidden camera at monitoring their activities.
18. For women, when a cheating husband has condoms in his wallet or starts buying condoms but knows that you are on the pill, or godforbid, one of you can not have children, then this is almost a give away that he is cheating.
19. Your husband or wife might be insecure. When a person is insecure, especially true for young women, they are easily persuaded into doing things to gain positive feedback and a sense of "fitting in" or being secure. They may not be having an affair to hurt you or because they are tired of you, they may be having an affair to help themselves feel better because you have been ignoring their emotional needs.
20. A cheater keeps the computer clean, deletes the archives of your internet browser, and changes their password for emails or your computer. May also delete all text messages, calls, etc when he or she never used to do this. They might have another girlfriend or boyfriend that they are trying to keep a secret, spying on them becomes necessary if they do not open up and give you a reason as to why everything is so clean all of a sudden and they are acting different.To check whether or not your spouse is cleaning up, check your browser and look at the internet history files. If they are empty, you know they are hiding something. To prove it, you may need a keylogger, or catch them in the act while they are chatting or emailing their new partners.
21. Sometimes, out of pure guilt, an unfaithful spouse will ask questions like "Have you ever thought of someone other than me as more than a friend?" or "Have you had feelings for someone else since we got together?". Hypothetical questions like these can mean they are having an affair and would like to know how you feel about that, or they are thinking about having an affair. They can also be flirting with other people.
22. Your cheating husband or wife will give their opinions on a friend of yours, sometimes this may even be the friend they are having an affair with, and say NEGATIVE things about this person in an attempt to make you think they are not attracted to them, or even feel disgusted by this type of person. A common thing cheating wives say to their husband's when asked is that they are disgusted by their husband's friend because he is a "pig" or "has no manners". But secretly she could be attracted or maybe even having an affair already with him. For husband's, what they usually say when you ask them is things like "she looks like a slut!", "I think she looks dumb", or "she's too talkative and bitchy". Watch out for little things like these when you fish for answers, they might try to distract you with comments similar to those mentioned above.
23. Cheating spouses become easily annoyed or offended, even if they used to shrug it off or comment back, at little harmless comments you give them. This could be because they are feeling guilty, or mad that you asked them to do something or made them go with you to someplace, unknowingly ruining their plans to meet up behind your back. They could also be going through conflict with their other relationships and are getting very stressed trying to juggle things around.
24. Your cheating husband or wife stops caring about your children, you, and what used to be his or her daily family routine. He or she may stop playing with the kids, asking you for sex, or go out on dates with you. They may even get irritated when your children ask for some time to go out or play with them. There is little to none quality time with you and your kids. This is sometimes the worst sign, especially if it is your kid that notices he/she is different. Most partners don't want to even think about their significant other having an affair, so they become delusional/naive.
25. Your partner, especially if a woman, will suddenly buy new underwear or clothing. Your cheating wife suddenly buys sexy lingerie, when she never used to or has never talked about it with you, she might be having an affair. Especially if you found it by accident and she hasn't even told you about it. For the husband, he may or may not buy new underwear, but he could do other things like suddenly starts shaving, or gets a new haircut. An almost guaranteed sign to catch a cheating housewife is if you catch them packing sexy underwear when they are off to a trip without you, say their parents home or a company outing. They would never need lingerie
26. Locking doors, closing doors, and distancing themselves from you when at home. In long term relationships couples usually do not hide behind doors while shaving, taking a bath or even peeing, but all of a sudden you can't see your wife's or husband's body anymore, in or out of bed. This happens mostly in the bathroom, when they will secretly check if their other lover has left any marks that you might catch. So they distance themself from you by locking doors to check, and if they do spot something out of the ordinary they may suddenly want to go straight to bed. Leaving hickeys on a husband or wife could be a little game your spouse is playing with their new lover, and it could be another way that excites both of them.
27. Your husband or wife stops giving you complements and you feel like you are not attractive anymore. Even when you do try, you usually get nothing. Even the things he or she used to love about you and find attractive are now just being ignored. This may not mean you have a cheating wife or husband, but it is still here in the signs of cheating because it could lead to him flirting with someone else he or she finds attractive. And flirting usually leads to cheating. Even online affairs/emotional affairs lead to real life cheating, sex and everything that goes with a "real" affair.
28. "I love you" becomes routine, no feeling, and s/he doesn't even say it sometimes if you don't say it first. This is the most painful thing to anyone, when your lover stops saying he or she loves you. If there is no more love between the two of you, divorce might happen. Which is why I strongly recommend not to confront a cheating husband or wife before gathering enough evidence for you to win full custody of your children or other assets. The most important is the children, who you would like to raise yourself since I'm sure you wouldn't want them to grow up with a lying, cheating person. When to think about getting a divorce.
29. Doing something nice for your spouse makes him or her emotional, or you notice him or her being depressed or seem like they are thinking of alot of things. Doing nice things for your cheating spouse, be it cooking his favorite meal, or buying her flowers unexpectedly, will make them so full of guilt that it will hurt. Tell them things like "I'm the luckiest person to have found you" will stick in their minds for a long time, and they may even confess and beg for forgiveness if they truly love you.
30. Cheaters will not wear their wedding ring. The things that were usually okay to leave in the car, are now removed whenever he/she has to use it. (kid's toys, child safety seat, rattles, kid's DVDs etc) Maybe even buying a totally new car just for him/her to use is not unheard of. If your spouse looks like they are single when they leaves the car, that's exactly what they look like to other people. Single people, especially if you're a woman, get hit on by the opposite sex. Your spouse looking like they are single is an invitation to other single people.
31. Your husband or wife would rather be among friends and work "overtime" than spend quality time at home with you and the kids. When you ask for a phone number, he gives excuses like "We won't stay there for long" or "Jack got a new place, he doesn't have a phone yet" or when you call his cellphone, it's almost always turned off or he rushes talking to you because he is at "work".
32. You notice your spouse is starting to act like they do not care about the future of your marriage or relationship. They make little to no effort to move forward in your relationship. This is common in new relationships when the other person finds someone else they would like to be with. In marriages, this could possibly mean divorce, especially if it is a new marriage where the husband or wife doesn't seem serious.
33. A cheating wife or husband would rather do something else like read a magazine, book, website than actually be intimate with you in bed or do anything with you other than the necessary things they have to do. Cheating wives also refuse to have sex because she is more interested in her new lover. She may even lie and say she has her period, so it would be wise for you to take note of her period, women that have irregular periods will be harder to track, but you will be able to tell if you know where she keeps her feminine products. A very easy way for you to know if she is lying.
34. This is more of a tip for women. When your cheating husband suddenly WANTS to do the laundry, something is wrong. When was the last time your husband ever wanted to do the laundry? Yes, never. At least for me this was true. This could mean he is trying to hide something, or he wants to make sure there are no lipstick marks or anything you can find on his clothes.
35. Your cheating husband or wife tries to divert your attention to the problems of other people, such as your relatives, neighbors, his or her coworkers, friends, anyone you know, to keep the topic off him or herself to cover up his secret affairs and unanswered questions.
36. Your cheating spouse has some "injuries" on their back, neck, thighs, etc. When you ask what happened, your cheating spouse will be unable to answer, shrug it off, or give some absurd excuse like being caught on wire or something like that. But if you check their clothes, you see nothing that would lead you to believe they got caught on wire or whatever excuse they give you.
37. Like the sudden new taste in music, your cheating spouse might also get new lingo or starts talking in a different manner than he or she used to. Especially if they have been having an affair for quite some time now, mannerisms of couples can't be helped, they rub off on each other.
38. A cheating spouse will be emotionally unavailable to you and when you try to confide in him or her, he or she does not open up like they used to, instead they get defensive and secretive, like they are keeping something from you and want their privacy.
39. When your spouse actually wants to have sex with you, it's usually because they want to try something different. Perhaps a different sexual position you have never tried, or maybe even fantasizing about something you have never done. Sometimes, they may even openly tell you that they want to fantasize about cheating. They tell you it's nothing, just something different, but they would probably be thinking of their other lover and it might excite them that they are telling you directly while having intercourse. It is some type of psychological disorder that make people want to do this.
40. The opposite of not wanting to have sex with you. When a cheating spouse cannot be with their other lover, maybe because the other person has to leave for awhile, they may actually "practice" some of the things they do with you.
41. All of his/her "overtime" does not show up on your spouse's paycheck. Confrontation makes them angry and actually turns the tables and asks you why you keep thinking of cheating, maybe you're the one having an affair. Facts are facts, you don't need any special type of spy software for this. If the paycheck does not reflect the overtime they've spent, there was no overtime or your spouse did it for free. What do you think is the more likely answer?
42. You asked around and found out from his or her office that he took a sick day, more than once, in the past few months. If your spouse doesn't have an answer for this, it's most likely infidelity you have on your hands.
43. Your spouse accidentally says a name while sleeping, and it has happened on several occasions. After confronting them, they tell you that you are crazy or imagining things, then shrug it off.
44. Sometimes relatives or other close friends are the first to notice something is wrong. They might be able to tell before you that you might have a cheating spouse because you are in denial or they notice that your relationship with your husband or wife has changed within the last few months.
45. A cheating spouse, especially those that are having an online or emotional affair, will spend hours on end chatting or emailing on the computer. They will usually say they are working, and close the laptop or computer when you come to see what exactly they are working on.
46. Sneaking out of the house. Usually happens at night when you are a sleep. Installing hidden camers will help pick out these late night meetings, or help assure you that you know what is happening when you are out of the house.This isn't very common, unless you suspect your neighbor as the cheating partner.
47. Your spouse is offended that you check up on them, and asks you why you need to know every single detail about his or her day, even if you used to do this and he or she actually welcomed your concern for how their day went.
48. A cheating husband or wife will usually go out for groceries or shopping and come home hours later than he or she normally would. This becomes easy to track when you are in a long time relationship or marriage because you would know how long the other takes to do things like this, and can easily tell if something is out of the ordinary. If you ask what took him or her so long, they give out the same excuses everytime. Like traffic, or a long line in the mall. Great way to check on this is by monitoring your car's mileage, or use a GPS tracker.
49. You get more "wrong numbers" or people that hang up on you at home than you used to. If you get them more than once a month, and this usually never happens, your spouse may be cheating on you.In 2010 I don't think I've gotten a single wrong number caller.
50. You find sexy lingerie or other intimate objects at home even if you know you did not buy them, and your spouse gives you an unlikely excuse such as "It's a surprise for you" or "I wanted to try something different". If this is seen along with other signs, you may have a cheating spouse that has visitors whenever you are out of the house.
51. Lipstick on clothing, perfume which neither of you own, or after shave on your spouse are some things that you should search for if they let you get close enough to them right when they arrive home.
52. You notice your partner makes significantly less money, or that your spouse doesn't even show you how much money he has in the bank or credit card bills. Usually, for men, they buy their mistresses something everytime they meet up, or pay for hotel rooms or expensive dinners.
53. Your spouse takes vacations or work outings more often. Your wife may say she is visiting her mother, but when you check up, they have no idea where she is.
54. Your wife or husband that is cheating may start eating less at home, or not at all because he/she has been eating out with with the new lover she is having an affair with.
55. A cheating spouse will be less comfy and secretive around you, worried that you might see something out of the ordinary. Will choose to sleep, shower, and do other things you usally do together, alone.
56. Change of tone when speaking on the phone. It may mean your spouse is talking with the person they are cheating with. Stressing a guy name, (for husbands) and a girl name (for wives) to disguise who they are talking to on the other end of the phone is also a common cheating tactic. Cheaters even go so far as to pretend to get mad so that they can "be right there" to fix a problem.
57. Your partner hides or puts their cellphone under their pillow when they go to sleep. Secrecy is always a cause for concern, especially if there is a chance you might be dealing with infidelity / adultery. It's completely obvious to anyone who has been married for some time, because there are no secrets between lovers. There shouldn't be.
58. You might think you heard your cheating spouse having phone sex, but are unsure if it was real, or you are being overly paranoid. This happens all the time when cheating is involved. The cheaters start looking for more thrills and they cheat on you(using the phone) while you are at home, but unaware. They may use their other cellphone to avoid you finding out the number, luckily we have cellphone spies to help us. If they are foolish enough to use the home phone, try a reverse phone lookup to find out where that number is located in.
59. Sleeping patern is different even if he or she wasn't out of town or up all night working at home (where you can see him or her). This could be caused by their living a double life. Having a secret life will cause stress, anxiety and lack of sleep. Your spouse may lash out on you and blame you for not getting enough rest because you keep on "nagging" him or her, when all you want is some quality time.
60. Trust your instincts. If you think your spouse is cheating on you, there is a high chance that they are. The most vital sign that your husband or wife is cheating is you being here. You wouldn't be here if you didn't think he or she was cheating on you.
I hope these signs help you find out if you have a cheating husband or a cheating wife. If you would like to contribute anything, please get my contact details from the contact page.
Please be reminded that these signs are here to help you in figuring out if you have a cheating spouse, not a guide to confronting a cheating spouse. Before you confront them make sure to have undeniable facts backing you up.
If you're still living in denial, or refuse to accept the fact that you MAY have a cheating husband or a cheating wife, I'd like to leave you with a quote taken from a very reliable source, Oprah.
"In a new study conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, it's estimated that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it. "
This quote was taken from an article in Oprah's website "Why Men Cheat", it's a very good read, enjoy and good luck with your relationship.