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51 comments:
Need some advice. within 2 months of a new job, new position, new location my 14 year marriage is in DEEP trouble. I have intercepted the text messages from the other woman, confronted him, he denys anything other than having coffee with a friend. He is gone all week with this new job, every excuse under the sun why we all cant move to the location wheres his new job is at. Found presents, he denys its from her. Saids I am making it everything I have presented to him up in my head. I have never actually seen them rolling around together, but the other woman has admitted to me.how do I stop it? How do i compete for my marriage or should I just call it quits?
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
The links below are where they were originally posted. To see my advice to the original posts, follow the links.
I can totally relate.....I think my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me with someone. I talk to him about and he flat out denies it everytime. He says he has shows, and doesn't want me to come to any of them.....and when he goes to these shows he stays gone for one and two days......Super protective over his cellphone like he got something to hide. Finding condoms in his clothes....But tells me that he wants to be with me. Whenever his man friend comes around he leave and come back really late.....But tells me yesterday why are you all dressed up? The nerve of this a$$@#$$. Im gorgeous .......but he stays in the mirror longer than me. I just want to catch him so I can bust him out with solid proof and dump him. Please help.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
i know he's hiding something..................just cant catch him. I want to catch him so i can embarass this a%5%%@@ and dump him in front of everyone and make him feel humiliated. he has a metro pcs phone and it doesnt have a sim card so i dont know how to hack into it if he always has it on his persons all the time. and with a lock on it.someone please help me...............i have a few numbers that he has been calling from my cellphone but he blocks out my number so it doesnt show up on their callerid.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
my mom found my dad's private profile that showed him with a girl who's only a few years older than i am. and it's not a fling, the pics show them together for 2 years now. we have to confront him when he comes back...how should we do this? i was thinkin after we pick him up from the airport, we could eat out, confront him in the restaurant in case his temper flares (my dad isn't a violent man, but then again MY DAD wouldn't cheat on my mom and cause her and my family so much grief). i honestly want to kick him out for a little bit, i don't want him trying to sleep with my mom when we all know what he's done.who he's done. can anyone give their two cents on how to handle this?
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
my boyfriend of 10 years is cheating on me with a girl at work. I read his text and found out. He wants to work it out, but I don't believe him. He says they like each other but nothing has happened and they just met once and talked. I feel he is lying. We have 2 kids and feel if I stay I will go nuts tracking him down at work and spying, because now he'll just delete his text before I see them. How do you deal with a work relationship?
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
My Husband works with a women who is very oviously attracted to him, she calls him while at work they take breaks together, and everyone comments to me about it, I have not found any tell tale signs to say any indiscretions have occured, when I bring up the subject, of course he gets upset and states just friends, blah, blah, blah, he definately does not want to talk about how it makes me feel, I also work at this company, when I go to break, if they get there first, I have to sit with them!, like we are all great friends! I know that she has alterior motives. I have to add that my husband id a Very outgoing, happy, friendly person who likes being "the shoulder to cry on, for all these poor women who are down on their luck. We have been together 30 years, no problems in the bedroom, and we are both very attractive people, the other women is about 15 years our junior, and my husband turns 50 this year. Help!
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
Part 1/3
I am asking for advice on this one. My husband works away from home a lot, and seems to have deloped a "friendship" with another woman who is associated with his firm. She has had legitimate business occasion to travel to his job site on several occasions. I have found little gifts with notes attached, nothing too personal- one was a coffee card with a note that said, "because I can't always be there in the office for coffee" and another was left on his desk, a cooking with beer-barbeque recipe book with a note that said, "If you ever make it home, you can try barbequing with beer. Everything is better with beer."
My husband has mentioned this woman to me several times, and he seems to know quite a bit about her, even her age, her husband's name and nature of business, and the age of her child, which are all red flags for me. He denies any relationship with her. She lives nine hours away from us.
My husband just told me he has to make an emergency business trip to where his head office is located, which is the same city she lives in. He initially said he would fly in and out the same day, but now he is staying for two nights. He says the meetings with his company may be spread over two days, but I wonder if he is planning on hooking up with her.
I have been tempted to have a PI spy on him while he is there. Should I or shouldn't I? Is it very likely that a PI can do this without giving away his presence? I would love to know for sure if there is something going on, but I would not want a clumsy PI to be seen doing his work.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
Part 2/3
Me again; I have talked to him about their relationship, he says it's just business, and another time he said they are just friends.
There have been emails that made me wonder too. Ones from her that read, "Can we talk tonight?" and "I haven't been able to reach you, Are you allright?" I honestly think she is pursuing him; she even mentions discussing things they talked about in the meetings they had in "our office" and she put it in quotations just like that. Makes me wonder if "our office" is code for the bedroom. (He doesn't know I read the emails)
He is now talking about going there once a month to do business that could easily be delegated to someone else.
Any way, I will soon know. He is there now and I did go ahead with the PI.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
Part 3/3
The PI cost three grand, but it gave me peace of mind - he didn't meet up with her at all. She did send him two emails asking him to leave his meetings and hook up with her, but he didn't do it. He didn't even reply to the emails. If I had not had him followed, I never would have believed that he didn't meet up with her after reading her emails asking him to break away from his meetings.
She sent him a Christmas gift with a stupid little rhyme in the card that says she wanted him near, and that he was a treasure in their lives, and signed it with her husband's and child's name as well as hers. He doesn't even know her family,so that was kind of odd.
My husband tells me she is a wing nut and that she probably sent the same rhyme to every guy in the office. He actually shredded the card because it made me upset.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2008/12/how-to-catch-cheating-husband-signs.html#comments
My husband uses a laptop so I cannot obviously attach a device. I tried to download the 7-day trial software but I couldn't get it to install. It asks for me to disable the spyware NORTON 360 before I can install. My husband monitors the security history and if he sees the record of having the spyware disabled, he will know that I did something. Is there another software that is undetectable and doesn't ask me to disable Norton?
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-to-catch-cheating-husband.html
all this spy vs spy stuff sounds very cool. until you find out that your husband is using these on you (you aren't cheating) and taking every single comment you make to anyone out of context. then putting a gps tracker on your vehicle. following you and having others follow you. becooming more and ore paranoid and violent bc he hadn't "caught you yet in the act" and finally attacks you. then after you split up and he gets visitation rights, he's switching these in and out of yor computer while you are out of the room getting your daughter's stuff ready and you can't figure out how he is still stalking you.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-to-catch-cheating-husband.html
Says you. I found my now ex-boyfriend doing online chatting with one of his old flames and they were talking about how they would cheat behind my back.
So honestly, I'm glad I snooped on him. Otherwise I could still be with him while he's sexing this girl during his lunch breaks.
So maybe, if you find that stuff on your PC, you should have a sit down with your wife and see why she feels you're different from before. Because it's obvious she feels unloved or you're acting a bit strange. everyone is a little bit paranoid now and then, some of us are glad for it
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-to-catch-cheating-husband.html
my emotions eat me whenever i read my husbands online-conversations with his girl co-workers. I can't think clearly and i often find myself confronting him right there and then. He has always convinced me he's not cheating nor flirting. whenever there will be arguments, he'll just walk-out on me. What i'm mad about is that he's entertaining this "flirty conversations" from these girls. He always tells me that he will not fall for it and he's just riding with whatever those girls say.. grrrrrrrrrrrrr! am writing this makes me pissed off more...
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheating-husband-is-having-emotional.html#comments
My husband of 15 years got involved with a mutual friend while our preemie was still in the NICU and our older 3 kids and I were staying near the hospital 4 hours away. He must have had a midlife crisis (at 38??) and changed jobs, got a truck, lost 45 pounds, became ADDICTED to his cell phone and his new best friend, the professional homewrecker. This woman was our friend. Our daughters are on the same team and our kids spent countless weekends together. Then she started dating another teammember's dad and their marriage broke up. The homewrecker and this other dad filed for divorce together (she was still married, too). Then she started dating my husband, while she was still dating the other guy (tagteam?) He started 'working late' and taking calls at 2 am and spending weekends at her house, but he'd take my older boys to 'play' at her house. I finally knocked on her door one night when he was there (supposed to be at Tom's watching the game) and asked what was going on. And I threw him out that night. He moved in with her and her daughters and still lives there. But he comes over EVERY DAY. I hate it. I've been a stay at home mom for years and child support isn't enough. His new girlfriend is a pharmacist and he has bragged to mutual friends how much she makes. He has no living expenses now, just fun and games and trips to San Antonio. He was very in-my-face about it. The kids hate him and her. She was our friend.
I have been married for 21 years and recently my husband got facebook... MY fault really as I told him to get one. He did and an old friend from grade school/high school found him. Apparently they exchange cell numbers and personal e-mails and I caught him talking to her a lot on the cell and privately. I confronted him immediately and told him that it hurts me. He agreed that it was wrong to hide it and he was sorry he hurt me... Then I caught him on the computer talking to her, although not as private but it is in his office area in the house where I cannot see. I do not know passwords to his e-mails etc... But I told him again, how hurt I am. I saw photos of this chick and she is amazingly beautiful and seems to just be perfect. He's known her since kindergarten, but lost touch when they were juniors in high school. I researched the crap out of her and know a lot of things he didn't even know. She is married and has a 15 year kid. We have 2 kids, a 19 year old and a 14 year old. Apparently she is unhappy in her life and because I have gotten heavy over the years and such our intimacy has diminished to nothing. So he says he feels like he wants to maybe explore what could have been with her or anyone cutie that looks at him and says hi. He started working out after he found this girl and I knew there were red flags. Like I said I confronted him. This was a big wake up call for me. I am now getting myself in shape too and trying to figure out what will happen. He says he loves me and won't leave me and he feels bad that he hurt me, but he won't stop talking to her. I am not sure what I should do. He is recently unemployed. I get it he is bored and depressed and needs someone to talk to. But does it really HAVE to be her??? I do hate her and I don't even know her! What should I do?
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheating-husband-is-having-emotional.html#comments
I feel stupid b/c my current husband and I have been together just over a year. We started as just friends at work (we were both married and unhappy) and it turned into an emotional affair. We both left our spouses and once our divorces were final we started dating. We never had sex while we were married, but I think that what we were doing was worse. Well now we moved to a new state far from his family and we are staying with mine until we find a house. We have been here for 2 months and I know that he is depressed. We have always been able to talk openly about our feelings. I had a job when we moved up here and he does not and is having a hard time finding one. He spends a lot of time with one of my younger sisters. I'm the oldest of 9, 7 are girls. I have mentioned to him before that the amount of time he is spending with my sister bothered me. He said that she is home more than me and that is really the only person he knows. Well he hasn’t wanted sex as much as he used to and he told me the other day he wants to get me a boob job. We had talked about new boobs before b/c my boobs never recovered from having my daughter. I took no offense to it at all. But the other day all my family was over for his birthday and 2 of my other sisters saw my husband poke my little sisters boob. She has very large boobs and has no children so they are still where they should be. Also one of my sister’s husbands said something about how much time they are spending together and they thought something is going on. And he is friends with my husband. I was not told this until today. I want to say something right now but then the other side of me says to wait and watch them closely together. If was anyone else but my sister I would not hesitate. Out of all the sisters I have she is the last one that I would expect this from. Any advice would really help!
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheating-husband-is-having-emotional.html#comments
I am so glad that I found this blog. I did not know who to turn to as people may think that I am being irrational.
My partner of 6 years has developed what I think is an unnatural relationship with his new assistant. He keeps telling me how attractive she is and he spends a lot of time with her. He tells me that they are good friends and he is spending time with her because she needs someone to confide in as she is having problems with her husband. He took the kids to her house the other day to play and spent 2 hours having coffee. I was not invited with. He met her at the office on a Sunday and afterwards she sent him a text message saying "thank you for listening". He responded with "I am here fo you anytime you need to talk". He says that I am being ridiculous. I don't know what he tells her or whether he is sharing details of our relationship with her. I can only guess. Now I have found out that she is planning a birthday party for him. When I suggested that we have people over for a birthday celebration he suddenly said that he had to be away for work for the weekend. I have no proof, but my gut tells me that something is not right. He seems distant and does not spend time with me. He blames this on work stress.
I don't know what to think and I am very sad. I often spontaneously burst into tears.
Our sex life is very vibrant and I have felt that there is nothing lacking from the relationship.
I look after his 3 children which his ex wife left with him and have taken on a lot of responsibility in the family. I have seen him through very bad financial times, supported him when he was retrenched and stood by him when he started his own company.
He no longer confides in me and when I ask when we can spend time alone away from the children, he says that I am nagging him and he is very busy with work.
Lately he has accused me of being resentful and hating the children and he keeps saying that he can see that I am planning on leaving them.
None of this is true as I love the children very much. They had a very hard time when their mother left and they never see her. I have never been a mother, but I have done my best to give them a stable home.
I love him very much and we have had to overcome many obstacles in our relationship.
It breaks my heart to think that he is bonding with this woman.
I am lost and I don't know what to do or think or feel.
by Nats
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheating-husband-is-having-emotional.html#comments
I see almost all comments are from women, so I will tell my story as the deceived husband.
My wife since 16 years went to Jakarta for work during 5 months. Except for the Xmas, when our daughters and I went there to see her, we didn't see each other during all that time.
Initially we spoke a lot per phone, but gradually she had less and less time for that, spening more time with friends.
Though I was happy she was making friends I also asked her to not let that stop our conversations. I also felt I needed her support during this time as I had some problems with my work I needed to talk with her to share my worries.
After having asked her three times to take some time to talk with me (normally she made short calls saying she was in the taxi going somewhere, or just arrived and was too tired to talk etc...), she told me that she had no intention to stay home just to talk with me, as she wanted to be among people.
When she came back, I noticed her different, and soon enough I found her hiding conversations with a male friend of hers.
The tone in the e-mails were very friendly, and a little compromising, as he called himself her "admirer", asked for photos of "her wonderful smile" and explained how he waited "patiently for her to return".
My wife reminded him of his promise to be her "dive buddy" when she returned (she had taken the license while there, that's how they met), to which he said that his promise always would stand.
Short thereafter my wife started to talk about going to Indonesia on vacations, diving, without me.
I confronted her regarding the e-mails and she claimed they were just friends, and she had no intention to go diving with him (that was "just something she had said" - without being serious, she told me).
I told her that if they were just friends I would like her to be open about their conversation, and stop all the flirting/flattering. Alternativally to stop the conversation completelly. (this was in May).
To make a long story shorter, I'll just mention the two latest rows we have had on this.
In september I hadn't seen or heard anything on that guy for 2 months and when asking my wife she told me that they had no contact any longer. Two days after I found a load of e-mails and she admitted that they had conversations various times a week.
I was really angry and we argued a lot. She promissed to, from then, be honest with me regarding their relation and tell me if they had any more contacts. We even went to counceling. Also there she promissed to be open with me if there were any more contacts with that guy.
Still, just a week ago, I found a chat where the guy started with "Hi my love" and thereafter they chatted for a while before switching over to the phone a talk. Obviously they had retaken the contact some weeks before, without telling me.
I don't know what to do any longer. I love her I seriously don't think she wants this marriage to end. But she is destroying it. I have problems trusting her.
Now she is very sweet with me. She is planning a trip to Paris for us two and, once again, she has promissed to stop lying. She understands that I am having some trust issues, but also she has no patience with me when my questions pops up (which they did all the time the first days, and a little less now).
I have no idea of how to make her understand that she has behaved bad (she always claim she didn't do anything wrong and it's more like she is doing me a favor when she promisses me to be honest).
And I have no idea of how to regain my trust in her.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/2009/01/cheating-husband-is-having-emotional.html#comments
What makes people stay in these kinds of relationships when they are clearly being abused?
Love and loyalty.
Hi,
I really could do with some advice here !! i have been with my current partner for four years, she recently returned to work in september after spending 9 months on maternity leave. Basically i had a really bad experience in my previous relationship and my previous partner cheated on me so i pretty much know that i have insecurities. Anyway this is my situation now so here goes !! My fiancee was constantly coming home from work talking about a guy who she worked with pretty much no day would go past without her doing this, i asked her if she was interested in him and she told me no that he was married and happy, our physical relationship at this time was pretty much hit and miss and she was showing very little interest, i constantly have to initiate anything physical and on a regular basis she says no and a reason is always given, from a headache to tired to extra long period(10days at one point)forgot to take my pill, trust me i've heard every reason in the book.
They both regualry talk on facebook and i have seen her talking to him on a number of occassions in private chat, we recently attended a works event where we had an overnight stay with her employers and the rest of the work force, he was there and approached her from the off, i also got some pretty strange looks from him and one or two other guys he was with, he pretty much flirted with he as far as im concerned in a boyish manner ie stealing her hat off her head etc. i recently discovered that he is not married and that his relationship is on the rocks and that he is very much interested, i again asked my fiancee if anything was going on and she said no !! when i aked why she had told me that he was married she said she had not, i know 100% that she did which is a concern. recently every time i walk into the room when my fiancee is using the laptop she logs off immediately again making me wonder what is going on, i installed a keylogger on the laptop a few weeks ago but to date this has not shown anything ( there is a possibilty that she may have discovered this though ) my dilemma here is this :( she knows that i have insecurities and i honestly believe that she is using them against me to make me walk away, every time i have a doubt i try to be honest with her and talk to her about it and she does reassure me, she also says that she is not going anywhere.
like i said i know i have insecurities but i honestly believe that once i have walked away that her intention is to start a relationship with this guy and that she wont until i do, now for the twist, i have terminal cancer and she does not know this !! i am now in a situation that if i stay i will lose her due to my illness anyway but may have possibly lived a sham of a relationship in my final days which to be honest is tearing me apart :( i also cannot tell her as i dont want her to stay with me out of pity, on the other hand if i walk away i still lose someone i love without knowing if i'm right or not.
really stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment and any help would be greatly appreciated :)
1/2
Kevin,
It does look like something is going on with them, the childish flirting you described is very common among people who are sexually attracted to each other, like when people first start dating etc. Do you know if he's like that with just her, or with everyone else? Because if he's like that with just her then he is definitely showing signs of him being interested/attracted.
You mentioned that she lied about this guy's relationship status, being married but not really. That is crossing the line of just flirting(sometimes flirting is just harmless and leads to nowhere), to being deceptive, which almost always means they could possibly be cheating on you, or cheat on you in the future. Immediately closing chats when you walk in is also a major sign of deception. You were right to install a keylogger on her laptop, and I don't consider that insecure at all because you have a very good reason to suspect infidelity. I'm not sure what keylogger you used, I'm assuming it's software? If it's software, you should be able to locate the log files which contain screenshots of her internet history browsing, passwords, and keystrokes. You weren't able to find anything to support your suspicions? Maybe you should test your keylogger if it is working. Or look to using cellphone based spy software.
2/2
I think your insecurities are justified, because that is exactly what I think will happen if you choose to walk away and let her go. If she's not hiding anything, there would be no reason to be deceptive about his relationship status or hiding their chats. Sorry, but I really try to be as blunt as I possibly can when giving advice. When I was cheated on by my first husband, I was very very delusional and it wasted so much of my time that I wish people were just blunt with me instead of telling me what I wanted to hear.
I think this is the first reply that I have actually cried while reading. You should do what makes you happy, since your time is more valuable than most people, you should not waste it. If I were in your place, I'd find out if she's having an affair, if she is then it's over and I would move on and never think of her again. If she's not then we could discuss about the flirting, keeping secrets, and the boundaries she has to keep. She's not single, and she should act like it. When I say "keeping secrets" I mean no secrets at all, for both of you. You will have to tell her you have cancer. I'm not bashing you, just being blunt. If someone loves you, cancer or not, they will stay with you. Not out of pity. Also if you really love her, you'd tell her because one day you will be the one leaving her.
If you don't want to tell her now because you KNOW she'll stay with you out of pity and you'd be in a fake relationship, you should tell her after you get through your current situation. What do YOU want to do?
Do you want to be sure on whether or not she is having an affair? Your options are :
1. Cellphone spy (the one on the sidebar has GPS too)
2. Get a working keylogger. (look at software if it's for a laptop)
3. Add a GPS device in her car (check the navigation page on the sidebar for relevant info)
4. Ask your friend she doesn't know to tail her (PIs are very expensive and are a last resort)
5. Hire a private investigator (you'll have to google it for local results. they are expensive)
Are you 100% SURE that she is using your insecurities to make you walk away?
Then walk away. She doesn't deserve your time if she's hurting you on purpose like that. Saying something then doing the opposite, you don't deserve that. I'd say walk away, your time is too precious. I would.
Sorry if that was harsh in any way, but it's always better to be blunt and have you act, rather than tell you what you want to hear while you just wait for the problem to "fix itself" (a lot of people do this). Don't get stuck in depression Kevin. If you feel used/lied to/cheated on, cut the person out of your life and move on. Your time is valuable.
Good luck and let us know what you decide to do,
Kris
I am just dumbfounded that I did not see it coming. I don't know why, still to this day I won't acept that I was cheated on. Wish i could turn back time to save my marriage but today is a bad day. Im too selfish to stay with my wife for my childrens sake so they will have to grow up in a broken family. I do not ever want to see her face again, I will gladly take care and raise our children but I do not want to see her face ever again. Coldhearted lying bitch. I most likely cannot marry anymore after this, I am too old. My wife was 17 years my junior. She cheated on my for someone her age and now she's begging forgiveness after MONTHS OF MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
Maybe you should consider giving her another chance? You can still save your marriage if you both genuinely want to. Start with an online marriage counseling course, or agree to go to a marriage counselor together.
Think about it, give it a few months. If you really never want to be with your exwife again, then I guess nothing will be able to change your mind.
Thanks for sharing everyone. I would like to share but I have nothing else to say except I feel emotionally drained. I've lost my will to live or care. I'm honestly just feeling like a wanderer now and am only greateful that we dont have kids. I believe my husband can never change. This is his 4th time having a secret relationship that I basically can not take another arguement. I should say, it feels better just ignoring it and "living" my life. I dont even care anymore if he leaves me. In one way or another it makes me feel more "powerful" knowing theres nothing else he can do to me
Thank you.
Caught my wife telling some bloke on face book to meet when I confronted her she denies it. What could it mean?
It's obvious that there is something happening between them, so you may want to watch out for signs of cheating.
If she goes out of the house without telling you where she goes, or has midnight phone calls you might want to confront her again.
Considering monitoring your car's mileage and gas consumption.
"I've lost my will to live". Don't let anyone do this to you. Break up, since you made it clear by saying it's his 4th time having an affair, breakup with your cheating spouse.
You are wasting your time with him if all he does is cheat on you.
my co-workers husband is allowing his wife to cheat. the wife is my coworker. she couldn't take it and confessed that she cheated on him with me, and he didn't choose to confront me but instead allowed her to cheat on him. i've been reluctant to touch her since then but i still see her on cam when her husband is gone
my question is : can he spy on her while she cheats and is this a setup to sue us? if sueing us, what would be the charge and how do i avoid it. advice appreciated.
@12:52
I'm not going to give you legal advice, and I'm don't support cheaters. Stop cheating is my only advice to you.
I've had long time to think about this and have come to the conclusion that I don't really love my spouse anymore.
she gets home and has no time for me.
she does not tell me where she's been all day.
she puts her friends before me.
she treats her guy friends nicer than she treats me.
she does not give me any sort of intimacy in the bedroom.
she won't get a job, but surely enjoys spending the bulk of my paycheck.
she pretends shes rich to her friends who don't know me.
SHE FLIRTS WITH YOUNGER GUYS (younger than me).
i will begin tracking our cars with GPS until I can find a pattern. then I'll tail her and see who she "hangs out" with.
our computer is untouched because she doesn't even know how to use it. I'm keeping an eye on it anyway incase she is playing the fool to get me off of her tracks.
if there is another man i will be more than happy to break it off. the only thing that is keeping me now is that she has a child that would suffer if I left her. it's not even my own child, it's just a child she had since she was 16 and got pregnant.
@Dave
If you catch your wife cheating, try to fight for child custody. She sounds like a terrible role model, and if she IS cheating, she is a horrible role model for a child to grow up with. Even if she isn't your child by blood, it would be better for her having someone responsible in her life.
My stupid wife apologized to me, begrudgingly. She's acting like it's all my fault that the cheating happened, while it was her that cheated. I've done nothing but satisfy her needs, financially and emotionally. I would like to think I also satisfied her in bed.
I guess sometimes housewives get bored and start cheating. Until now she refuses to tell me everything about the affair. I guess I wouldn't have even found out if I had not missed the flight I was supposed to go to, and left my phone because it didn't work outside our state.
This is karma, and I believe in it. Imagine if I had called first before returning home, I would have completely alerted them and stop me from finding out that my wife, who is a mother, was cheating with the god damned neighbor.
I'm torn between the part of me that wants to end this, and the part of me which wants to drown her in sorrow so she knows what I'm feeling. I would completely ruin her life if I left her, I know this because she has no work experience, for the past 10 years, has no relatives (she is from london), and absolutely no where to go to if I divorced her. If I left her she would not even be able to buy a ticket back home.
Auuuuugh. This is driving me insane.
chuck the bitch out! its what i would do! a man should never leave HIS house if HE pays the bills and if HE buys everything for her.
jamiew is right. And that is what I did, chucked the leech right out. literally threw her clothes out. smashed her stupid cell phone while throwing it out.
there was no way i would have caught her without using the spy phone. bitch thinks she can make me look stupid? my best friend is a lawyer.
caught her texts on the spy phone bubble i found here. skipped worked just to tail her around after getting her texts. wouldn't you know it the lying sack of shit was cheating on me with a dad from her nephew's baseball team.
here's a tip for all you stupid cheaters, specifically women. women don't like sports. when you volunteer your time to go with your nephew to a stupid baseball practice every other day, your husbands will get suspicious. \\
hope your husbands throw you out just like you deserve to be you low lives
Husband denies cheating, but won't stop flirting even in front of me.
I told him it's making me feel stepped on, and embarrassing me right there and then infront of his random girl friends. I feel like a fat slob and I get the feeling those girls feel sorry for me.
it is making me feel pathetic and i can't stand it. contrary to what the last two people said - i am the breadwinner of the family. maybe he's getting back at me by flirting with other women, or even cheating on me while Im at work.
i told him to stop flirting, he laughed it off. i told him to come with me to marriage counseling, he said no ****ing way and it would be a waste of money. i asked him what he wanted to do about it, he said "nothing. were fine".
i don't know anymore.
I have been married for 6 years. I was always convinced that my husband was an honest man. He had every outward appearance of being one. My whole world fell apart one week ago when I caught him lying to me about going to a friend's. My woman's intuition kicked in and within a week I unearthed a mountain load of evidence of porn, subscription to erotic dating websites and to top it all, a two month old affair with a married woman who is known to me.
I am still in shock and undergoing trauma counselling. Have kicked him out and he went without even attempting to apologise. My hardest challenge now is to pretend everything is ok in front of our little girl when "daddy" comes to visit.
It's a great thing that you went to counseling right away. I don't agree with you having to fake your emotions in front of your child though.
In my case, I explained what happened to my kids (then 5, and 12) what happened, and I told them I never wanted to be around their father. I hope you don't have to force yourself to act like everything is fine in the future. There's nothing more I want to do than claw my ex's eyes out when I see him, so I don't see him. I leave the house with my new husband when he visits the kids. Just last year I got a sob story email from him about how his ex (person who cheated on me with) broke up with him recently and he wants to see the kids more. I almost vomited.
I'm in this situation where I still haven't caught my partner cheating. I'm in the maybe I'm crazy for thinking negative, or maybe I'm wrong, but things lately seem to point in that direction at least feeling wise. I need help as I feel stuck and have no way of knowing sure. I installed a spyware onto his phone for some time but have yet to catch anything out of the ordinary. However, I have noticed he does turn his phone off certain times when he is at work which doesnt allow my spyware to work. So during these cases I dont know if he is up to something or not. His phone being off is bothersome but how am I to know if his phone battery isnt drained or that maybe something else happend. I will admit I let my imagination run and begin to think really bad things about him so I feel lost at this point....
Poster@11:08
It is quite common for people to turn off their phones during work. Are there any signs of cheating? I don't believe turning your phone off is a very good indicator.
I would straight out ask him why he turns his phone off if that bothers you.
Am I crazy?? About two years ago my husband switched jobs which gave him days off during the week. My best friend is a nurse and she also has days off during the week. When they had same days off during the summer, they would meet at the community pool so the kids could play (she has 3 I have 2). I work Mon-Fri and can only go to the pool on weekends. When my husand and I would go together with just our children, we would stay about an hour and he would be ready to go home. When he went with "her", they would stay at the pool for 2-3 hours or sometimes all afternoon. At first I thought it was all about the kids until she showed up at my house with her "daisy dukes" and tank top on (not the typical outfit she would wear when stopping over to visit with ME). On this paticular day, she and my husband had just spent many hours at the pool together. When she arrived, my husband came right out to welcome her and they were giggling, carrying on, and what threw me over the edge was she lifted her top to show him her tan lines. He did the same and they were laughing and and acting like high shoolers. They didn't even notice I was there anymore. Oh did I mention she is married but not happily? The day this happened my very wise aunt was visiting. I left the two of them together on the porch (since they wouldn't have noticed I left anyway)and went inside to tell my aunt that I felt very uncomfortable with this exchange. She said to me "when you and your husband are alone together, you need to talk to him. Do not accuse him. Explain to him that you are trying to protect him from something that may happen that would put him in a difficult situation and could affect your relationship. Explain to him that his behaviour with her is unacceptable." I did as she said and at first he was defensive but then when I asked him how he would feel if I spent that much time with her husband at the pool, he took a step back and seemed to understand. Fast forward to now. She is still my friend and I sort of forgave the incidents from a couple of years ago, although they are always on my mind and I still wonder if they are secretly hanging out together when her husband and I are at work. She is an attractive woman (just my husbands "type" as he would say)and lately she seems to want to see me or talk to me every day. When she came over to visit last night, she was again dressed to impress and when my husband came home she was acting very provocatively - playing with her hair and her "sexy" body language when he was around. This stirred up all the bad feelings again. My husband has mentioned in the past that I am paranoid. To be honest I'm not sure if I am or not. I never confronted this woman about how I felt a couple of years ago but I really want to. Has the statute of limitations run out on confronting her about this? What I really want to do is slow down or end my friendship with this woman. This would be very hard to do since she lives just 3 houses down and she and my husband would see each other anyway. I'm afraid severing my friendship with her would push her closer to my husband. I always subscribed to the addage "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" but I really can't stomach her anymore. Any suggestions on how to deal with her?
"I'm afraid severing my friendship with her would push her closer to my husband."
Not if you tell your husband about your feelings- if Kris told me that some common female friend we had is bothering her, and I should lessen our interactions, I would ask her why then I'd compromise.
I definitely think you are -not- being paranoid; if you know exactly how long you guys take your kids to the pool for a swim, and that time more than triples when it's only your husband and your female friend that is "his type", that is cause for concern. Have you ever even asked him why it takes almost all afternoon when it's his turn to take the kids for a swim with your neighbor, and it only lasts an hour or two with you? Maybe there may be a legitimate reason?
I think you should confront your spouse first before you confront the neighbor. Let him know how you feel, and make him lessen the interactions himself, instead of you just giving her the cold shoulder.
If it was me in his position I would have zero problems compromising.
-Mike
@Mike. Thanks for the advice. I'll give it another try. Just don't want to hear that I'm over-reacting, paranoide and/or insecure. Still wanting to back off the friendship with Kelly. I suppose I won't be so available for her when she calls or drops by. I appreciate hearing a guy's perspective. Thanks agaIn.
Cheaters do the blame game a lot, I'm not sure there's any reason for your husband to be defensive about it if nothing wrong is going on while you are out of the picture.
Of course personality affects how we respond to questions, but I would worry if he gets defensive.
Good luck and thank you for sharing your story,
Kris
I've been married for 8 years. During that time there have been several times when I've found evidence that my husband went to a strip club or looked at porn online. Each time I confronted him and expressed profusely how much this hurt me and that I didn't want him doing these things. Since the last time (about a year or two ago), I've noticed he will clear his internet history. He has a new job that requires alot of travel now, so I will be watching for any suspicious behavior. Last Friday, he came home from being gone all week and instead of spending time with me and the kids, he went to have lunch and play pool with a male co-worker (his best friend). He was gone all day and at 10pm texted me to say he'd be home in an hour or two. At 2 am he wasn't home and his cell was turned off. I checked his phone the next day and the last location is on a street that has several strip clubs on it, although the location was closer to a gas station so it is possible he stopped for gas. I then looked through the texts on his phone between him and this coworker and see a text from my husband a month ago when he was out of town for work at a trade show saying "The girls at this show are smokin hot. Its a good thing you aren't here. It'd be much trouble." And the friend replies "Yeah - like when we were in Delray Beach." They had gone on a work trip the month prior to Delray. So, he was up to something then. Because of his late night on Friday, yesterday I asked him alot of vague questions about going out partying and what he's up to when he's out with hot women at bars etc. The next day, those specific texts I saw on his phone had been deleted. I don't think he's having an affair. But I do think he is doing things he knows I don't want him to do. Strip clubs, stuff at strip clubs (spent $200 there once, not sure what all $200 would buy at a strip club!?!), maybe messing around with girls at bars, maybe even hooking up with them. Whenever I confront him, he takes the angle of being mad that I don't trust him so he can turn it all around on me. I'm looking into a keylogger, but it will only be useful when he's on his home computer (his laptop plugs into a docking station at home and he uses a regular keyboard then, so I think a keylogger would work. I have the password to his itunes account, so I can use Find My iPhone to watch his location, but that only gives the current location, so I'd have to watch it live. His phone and computer are owned by his work, so I'm wary to install any spy apps/software. What else can I do to get evidence (on a budget)? And, what do I do with a husband who is generally a good husband, but won't respect my request to stop going to strip clubs? Thank you!!!
@Busybee
"What else can I do to get evidence (on a budget)?"
Have you bought any GPS devices? Specifically those that record their locations? It would be too time consuming for you to continually monitor him using "Find My iPhone", which is very mentally and emotionally draining when you think he's fooling around behind your back. If he uses a car you own, you could just snap a cheap one on. When I say cheap I'm talking $50ish.
It's really difficult to do anything more than hiring a private investigator(or asking a very huge favor from a friend), when you have no control of the phone. Maybe you could gift him one. Or a GPS watch.
You really need to talk about the strip club trips, the porn isn't a very big deal though. Unless it's webcamming with another actual person that he intends to meet or already know.
Have you asked him what he does in the strip clubs? Who he's with? Why he goes there? What he spent $200 on? I don't find this to be a huge problem (if you trust him), because it may just be like him watching porn, but a lot more expensive and in real life. Some men just like being in that environment, but stay loyal to their spouses.
Try asking him, in a very non confrontational way, if you can watch porn with him, or even go out with him to see what he does. Maybe a lack of sex is what's causing him to go to strip clubs and watch porn. Or maybe try something new in bed. You should talk about what HE wants to do, and do it with him. Just giving an ultimatum that he can't go out with his friends will cause him to be even more subversive about it.
You have no history of him cheating on you, you don't suspect an affair, and you think he's a generally good husband. You didn't mention anything about your sex life, but I would guess he's not getting enough attention in that department so he's doing what he's doing now (porn/strip clubs).
-Kris
Part 1 We have had problems for a long time now that I look back on it. I keep thinking that I could do something finally that would make him happier, if I could be a better wife. I have accepted this role as the "cheater" since 2007 when I had a one time, sexual encounter with a stranger. I accepted full responsiblity for my infedility. I had the strangest idea that I could the subsititue sex I wasn't getting at home. What a joke. It was horrible. Of course, all I wanted was my husband; the man I've known and loved since 1996. But then I ruined it. I got down on my knees and begged him not to leave me. He didn't. It was hell to go through and now I'm back in hell again. I knew something was going on, but I didn't want to face it. I keep trying to do things I thought would make him happy.
My boyfriend was having an emotional affair with a woman in another country he had a facebook and I would go see what he posted and leave messages but then strange posts started showing up about he needed someone to lit the flame of love and how he needed his baby and she would answer I confronted him on this and he said I was overreacting and taking facebook posts too seriously and I was stalking and spying on him Im supposed to be his baby this hurt horribly I wanted to believe his lies then she posted a picture of herself next to a picture of him for everyone to see he told everyone I was jealous of his facebook that it was just something to do well I thought it was wrong and confronted her and got called a hoe and so I went further and talked to people that knew of their online romance and yes she was thinking they were a couple and trying to get money to move him to her country well one of the people who knew her was pissed because of what my boyfriend was doing and he did his own snooping and discovered he wasn't supposed to be on facebook and now hes in jail so I have to live with guilt my anger and pain caused and everyone is mad at me I wasn't thinking of those kind of consequences I wish I was stronger and had just walked away I guess this is just an example of what kind of bad results emotional cheating can cause
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