Wife : Emotional Affairs

Reader submission. Edited out abit of the dirty language used, personal details and linked some of your words to related posts.

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In a post done by Kris, we can see that wives are more prone to emotional affairs than husbands, because women are more emotional than men. It's how they're built, I'm not making it up, i read the article and the article links, and searched wikipedia. Chances are if your wife is going to be having an affair it will first start out as an emotional affair, not as outright physical like what most men experience, or seek. I learned this the hardway, and I came across this blog while doing some research. You can add me on ****** and I can show you my ex-wife's profile.(no personal details, that includes facebook)

Let me share my story about how I ended up divorcing my wife who had an emotional affair.

It started with my wife (newly wed, we weren't even 5 months in) spending enormous amounts of time online. It's crazy, she can spend the whole day in front of the computer. At first I thought it was fine since she lost her job after we got married, I thought it would be a good idea for her to find something that will keep her busy. First she was just looking at designer clothes, and following random people's blogs, then I noticed that she was starting to join forums. All of that was normal so I didn't really pay attention, since everything was mostly clothing related forums, or other fashion related sites that I was not really interested in. A few months later, I start noticing that her facebook account was starting to get new friends. We both have facebook, and her account was starting to get new friends, guy friends. Being a guy, that made me jealous so I started snooping. She was getting inappropriate comments on her pictures and seemed like she was enjoying all the attention. I butted in and made it known that I was her husband. In a not so direct confrontational way, just to make a point. She got mad at me, like she was embarrassed that I made it known she wasn't single or something.

Here's where I got really suspicious. She STOPPED being active on her facebook page. I snooped even more, and like a good detective, I investigated the profiles of all the previous commenters on her pictures. I found her new secret facebook account that way and started viewing it everyday. She posted new pictures that she took at home, some of them inappropriate, using the new clothes she's bought that were quite revealing. I asked her about what she does online, and she told me just surfing. I specifically asked her about facebook, and she said she hasn't used her account for weeks. Notice how good of a liar my ex-wife is? Everything she told me was true, she was surfing, and she has not used her facebook. Because she created a secret facebook account, that's why.

What did I do? Researched on keyloggers because even though I could track her internet browsing history, I couldn't read the chats she had with this guy, the same guy who left inappropriate comments on her pictures. I did not install anything yet because I did not imagine my wife could lie to me that much, I held off until after I questioned her about her facebook friends.

I needed to know, so I asked her if she was still talking to that guy, and that I know she has a secret facebook account. I also know that she's chatting with him, I just wanted her to come clean so we could talk about it. She denied it and told me I was too jealous and paranoid. That's when I installed a keylogger. What I discovered was that not only is he her "online boyfriend" but also they were going to meet "soon". I glued my eyes to the recorded chats everyday, pretending I knew nothing about what was going on. She started being nice to me after I stopped confronting her, we were even more active in the bedroom department. I guess I was her "practice" til she met that guy.

Their chats not only became dirtier and dirtier, she also started telling him how she felt that our marriage was a mistake, and she lost her job because of me. That hurt reading, because I remember quite clearly that she said it would be okay for us to move to MY home because I made almost 3x more money than what she was making. Now it's my fault she's jobless? He (the facebookguy) told her that I needed to feel masculine and didn't want her to have a job because it would hurt my ego. What a bunch of BS, he was clearly manipulating her feelings and making her feel like he's all good and I'm the evil womanizer who wanted her to be subservient.

I waited patiently until I found out the date and time of the meet up, and confronted both of them at a hotel room. I brought a long a guy friend of mine who really wanted to kick his ass. We didn't do anything physical to him, but I did tell my now ex-wife I have everything recorded as well as an attorney to get us divorced. I showed her the chatlogs and told her to stop trying to lie her way out of the hole she dug. I don't care if it was a one time thing. I will never be with a woman who would say such things about me behind my back. In one of the conversations she brought my mom into it and said she was a lying controlling *. I hope she gets cheated on by that grease ball she had an emotional affair with.



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Post by YouCantHurt.(you didn't leave a name so I used part of your email) If you would like to share something to us, use the contact page. We will not spam you or reveal your identity. You can also use the Cheating Spouse Stories page if you would rather not send us an email, or post it yourself on the surviving infidelity forum.

I would recommend anyone to not confront their spouses like this until after they've gathered enough evidence.

What you did could have backfired because you confronted her first before you actually started gathering proof.

Things you should consider before doing anything like this :

• Did you research state laws? Installing a keylogger without reading the site's disclaimer or your local state laws could land you into jail.
• Did you consult with your lawyer before installing a keylogger? Your lawyer will know best what evidence can and can not be counted in a court of law.
• If you're going to bring someone, be 100% sure that they won't cause any problems. Like getting into a physical fight. Your spouse or the person they are cheating on you with could be the one suing you.
• Avoid confronting your spouse when you are in a place that could call security or police to throw you out of the establishment.

Infidelity, What Does It Mean To You?

Merriam-Webster.com defines infidelity as :

a : unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : disloyalty 
b : marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it

Now, from the recent flames we've received in the comments section (not posted of course), people keep trying to justify their actions as "just for fun" and call us "you're a ****** psychotic paranoid ****".

The classic definition of infidelity is when a man or woman cheats on their spouse, and has a physical affair with them. To most of these flamers commenting, the infidelity meaning they are trying to project is just this "if I didn't touch another person, it's not cheating" well, in my opinion, and the majority of loyal spouses' opinions, you're wrong. Dead wrong.

If there were any sort of reliable infidelity statistic, I would bet you everything I owned that most people would declare emotional affairs as infidelity. Internet affairs, sexting affairs, and other non-physical affairs as infidelity as well. A maritalaffair need not require physical intimacy. Just as merriam-webster dictionary defines it, "unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : disloyalty" or "marital unfaithfulness", in no part was there any mention of physical intimacy.

My definition of infidelity is when a married person betrays the trust given to them by their spouse, or has deep emotional intimacy with someone else surpassing the level of intimacy they have with their spouse. It's simple, if you are hiding an intimate relationship with someone else from your spouse, whatever that reason may be, it's infidelity.

"Intimate relationship" means something you wouldn't do or talk about with someone who is "just a friend". You know you are having an affair with someone emotionally if you are telling them things you would normally only tell your spouse. When you start seeing this new person as your "problem solver" or "go to guy", or whenever you think about them all you can think is how much better they are than your spouse. If they reciprocate your intimacy, you are having an affair. It does not matter if this person is your neighbor, or some girl you met online from halfway around the world, it's still an emotional affair.

When you try and pass of sexting as "just for fun", it is a huge slap in the face to your spouse and your marriage. Sexting IS cheating no matter what angle you look at it from. As long as it's an intimate connection to another human being that is not your spouse, it's cheating. Same goes for webcam chats, "cheat forums" or other groups that promote adultery.

This may come as a shock to most people, but the people who are consistently posting rude comments based on our articles pertaining to emotional affairs and "non physical cheating" are mostly female. How do I know they're females? Because they keep complaining about their husbands who have physically cheated on them. Surviving infidelity is tough, I know I lost my first husband too (highschool sweetheart), but the way you should react is to move on with your life and GET A DIVORCE. Do you really think staying with your husband and CHEATING on them to even the score will make any significance in your relationship? The childish notion of "he did it first" will just be a huge time waster for both of you. Instead of moving forward and building new, meaningful relationships, you choose to skew the definition of infidelity and "give them a taste of their own medicine".

In the article "Do Men Cheat More Than Women" we discussed the issue of female affairs being equal to their male counterparts. And I guess most people who read this blog are women (because of the URL and our earlier articles I'm assuming), and think that we are completely biased towards them. Guess what ladies, I actually met my husband through an infedelity support group, and yes his ex-wife had an emotional affair that turned physical and eventually ruined their marriage. I really wish there was a reliable infidelity statistic so all these women who have been cheated on and decide to "cheat back" would stop playing the victim role all the time.

The truth is most female affairs are the ones that are "non physical". Female affairs are very emotional, and usually start from texting, and internet chat rooms. Just google "infidelity statistics" or "female emotional affair statistics" and do your own research, although there aren't much statistics available you will see a lot of the same things but from the men's point of view. Women ARE better at having affairs because most female affairs are purely emotional (more talking over the phone, or internet etc) vs men, who are more on the physical affairs.

What is worse, physical or emotional affairs? That is subjective, but to me they are the same thing, infidelity. What is the meaning of infidelity to you?

Friendship vs Emotional Affairs

What's the difference between friendship and emotional affairs? Some of you may be a little bit over protective over your spouse's relationship. Having a friend of the opposite sex will not destroy your marriage. How do you know if your wife's friend is actually trying to steal her away? How do you know if your husband's secretary is only working on company matters, and not your husband?

Watch for signs of an emotional affair! You don't need to outright BAN them from having friends of the opposite sex, you just need to watch how your spouse interacts with them. Being jealous without anything that backs up your suspicion is just being irrational and paranoid. Try to think of it rationally, ask yourself if you would do the same to a friend of the opposite sex.

Some of the things that should be considered as "red flags" of an emotional affair are :

1. Your spouse continues conversation with the person even after work. Unneeded interaction may not always be considered a sign of an emotional affair, but it should be monitored especially if your spouse is the one initiating it. If for example your wife is always being texted or called after work times by a workmate, then there are a few options for her. 1 would be to entertain the phone call if it is work related, and then end it when they are done with work. 2. Tell the workmate they can talk about it at work, if it isn't urgent. 3. Reply to text message that are only work related.

This can change if your spouse is friends with this person. It isn't normal for a few minutes of socialization, but if they talk for an hour or so after work, regarding things that are not work related, then this could be a sign of an emotional affair building up.

2. Webcam chats with your spouse. I don't think this is even necessary for work chats online. Unless there's a special case that absolutely needs a webcam, this is definitely a sign of an emotional affair. You can tell whether or not your spouse is hiding something if he/she minimizes the webcam videos when you enter the room.

Chatting from time to time is okay, but do you really need to use the webcam? Take note of what your spouse is wearing too. They may be having more than a chat. If you suspect that they are having some inappropriate chats through cams, you may want to get a simple keylogger that takes screenshots of your computers activity before you confront them. When you confront a spouse they may try to be more secretive and might not even use the computer anymore when you are around.

3. Hiding emails and text messages. Another sign of emotional affairs, or even cheating. When someone texts or emails you and your spouse sees you texting/typing, if she asks what are you doing what do you respond? You're open and honest about it right? That's because it's the normal way of answering someone when you have nothing to hide.

Now if your spouse's reaction to you asking about his or her texts/emails is something defensive and secretive, you may be dealing with an emotional affair or actual infidelity. A spouse with nothing to hide would even allow you to look at their emails or cellphone. It's pretty common that spouse's know each others passwords or allow you to use their cellphones.

4. You catch your spouse confiding in a person of the opposite sex. This is a sensitive subject and would depend on what your husband or wife is confiding. If it's something serious like how your marriage is on the rocks and needs to be saved, is definitely not something you talk about with just a normal friend. Especially not something you would talk about with a friend of the opposite sex. I would consider that they are either in an emotional affair already, or this could be the start of an emotional affair.

Now what would you normally talk about with a friend? Financial problems would be acceptable, Car problems, shopping help (usually husbands ask their wife's friends for help), anything generic that does not involve your spouse's relationship with you. You can be sure they are in an emotional affair if they straight out go to the other person even before you. This can be done over the email, sms, or chatting online.

5. Spending time with someone after work. Another sensitive subject, it's who your wife or husband goes out with after work and what they do. It's an emotional affair if your wife goes out with another man (from work) and they eat dinner together. Once in a while, it may be acceptable and considered friendship, but if it's a regular thing that they eat out together every friday or everyday I would consider that an emotional affair.

I would consider it friendship, and not an emotional affair, IF they eat together with a group of other workmates. That's normal, and friends do that all the time. But if they are just together alone with each other, that's different. Try to get a GPS tracker to monitor your car or cellphone if you can't be sure of this. Even better, if they go out in a group with other workmates, get to know the workmates and befriend someone. You can then find out from that person how they interact with each other within the group.


Some things that is considered leaving the world of emotional affairs and heading straight to real, physical affairs that ruin marriages are :

1. Hand holding. This is what lovers do. Subtle way of letting the people around know you are connected. An emotional affair is usually just sharing intimate details with someone who is not your spouse and confiding in them. Hand holding is physical and should only ever be done with your spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend.

2. Different types of flirting. This is what you first do when you started dating your spouse. Flirting lets the other person know you are very much interested or attracted to them. It's what let you know that your spouse was interested in your, and it's what led to your marriage. If your spouse is now flirting with someone else, then that's a sign of an affair beginning, not just an emotional affair anymore.

3. Favors. A touchy topic, but favors someone would do for your spouse that they wouldn't do to anyone else is a sign that they are beginning a relationship. Things like driving them somewhere. Taking them home. Picking them up. Buying them things. Being extra nice. All make it look like they are dating or she is being courted.

4. Throwing them a party for a special occation. If your spouse has a birthday coming up, and some girl/guy is the one who throws them a party instead of you, WITHOUT trying to contact you so you can arrange the party together, that's them making a move on your spouse. Not only are they wanting to build a relationship with your spouse, they're also undermining you by not including you in the preparation so they can take full credit.

5. Buying them inappropriate clothing. This is self explanatory. No regular "friend" would buy your wife lingerie and ask them to wear it. Some people do this and even ask your spouse if they are wearing it. If your spouse entertains this, there is something going on. If your spouse kept this secret from you and you found out on your own, you can be sure something is going on.

More info on what is an emotional affair. 

Differences between emotional affairs and friendship

Here are some examples of situations on how your spouse would act if they were in a normal situation vs if they were in an emotional affair.

After work, a workmate of the opposite sex asks your spouse to go out for drinks.

In a normal relationship your spouse would call or text you that they will be drinking with that person, and tell you they'll be late. No secrecy, no reason to be afraid to tell you the truth, because it's all innocent. This could happen often, or once in awhile, it doesn't matter because you always know and their story always fits the timeline.

If they are having an emotional affair, your spouse won't tell you they're going out to drink, but probably give you the tired old excuse of "going to work overtime". If you install some sort of spy tool to track your spouse and try to "fish" for information, they will almost always react negatively and feel "insulted" (good liars do this to divert the topic of the conversation).

Your wife, who is a housewife, starts chatting with people online while you are at work.
In a normal relationship, the housewife will tell you about their day, including the chats they've had (with or without men). They won't have any specific guy they talk to, they just happen to talk to guys online. If anything crosses the "friend line" they permanently stop talking to them, and tell you about what happened.

If they are having an emotional affair, you won't even know that your wife chats online while you are gone. Period. Women are better at keeping secrets than men. I'm not saying men don't keep secrets too, but women are just better at it. If you do by chance smell something fishy going on and install a keylogger on your computer, you will notice that all her time chatting is spent with mostly one other guy, and the details of what they are talking about are something that only a wife's husband should know.

Your husband has a friend who is "touchy feely".
In a normal relationship, your husband would immediately put distance between themselves. If his girl friend continues doing so, he may remind her that he is married or set her straight by telling her to watch her boundaries.

If they are having an emotional affair, they won't react and would let his girl friend do as they please. This is a sign that their emotional affair is slowly breaking into the physical barrier. Once they are comfortable emotionally, it only takes a little more time before they start to becoming physically intimate.

Your spouse gets a phone call after work, from a workmate.
In a normal relationship, your spouse would either dismiss the call if it was unimportant or take a few minutes to work on it.

In an emotional affair, your spouse will use this as an excuse to leave the room to get some privacy for their "work" related call. If they've already got a full blown affair going your spouse might even use this as an "emergency" call that warrants a trip back to the office.

Emotional Affair : Hugging Someone Else

Reader email :
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My husband lets his girl workmate hug him real tight and kiss him on the cheek. He has never told me about it but I found out one time when I had to pick him up after work because his car was at the shop. I confronted him about it and he said that it was nothing and she always hugs and kisses him on the cheek whenever they were about to leave. *He* said that she does it with all her close friends, but I don't believe him because there was more than just him standing with her and he was the only one that got "special treatment". Could this be a sign that he is having sex with this woman and what should I do? I will confront him after I am done thinking this through. Any advice would be appreciated, please.

PS the girl is almost half his age, we are in our late forties.

Gina
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Gina, thank you for your email and sorry it took me so long to post. If you haven't noticed any of the signs of a cheating spouse, then it may not be a physical affair yet. Maybe your spouse is having an emotional affair.

I would suggest you talk to him about keeping your boundaries in check and remembering that he is married. It's prefectly reasonable to ask a spouse to maintain a certain "touch barrier" when dealing with the opposite sex.

I would take some time and read our guide on how to catch a cheating spouse, and then try out some of those methods. If you think that he isn't having an affair, physical or emotional, then you should start confronting him about how he interacts with his workmates, if you do think he is having an affair, because you've found evidence to back up some of the common signs of cheating, then I would hold on longer to be able to gather more evidence before starting the confrontation.

I bolded some phrases in your email, and here's what I think about it :

First, you should never let anyone other than your spouse KISS or HUG you; and if someone of the opposite sex DOES kiss or hug you, you should immediately tell your spouse about it, and tell that person to stop doing that. Hiding this from you, by saying "it was nothing she does it to everyone" when you said she didn't do it and only he got the "special treatment" also makes me think something is going on.

I can't be sure if it's a physical or emotional affair because you didn't really give me enough details, but an example of an emotional affair is if you caught your spouse telling someone else "I love you" or responding to someone else with "I love you too". Although kissing is a sign of intimacy, we just don't know how intimate they've already been.

My final thought is that you should keep an eye on him, without letting him know you are mad/angry. Let him think everything is back to normal, while you secretly monitor his actions for any signs of cheating.

Cheating spouse on the internet

Here's an email I received from someone who found this site and thinks she has a cheating husband. Cheating often starts from the interenet, and it is not uncommon that a cheating spouse on the internet is using online chatrooms to meet other people.(And I am terribly sorry for almost a month in delay for replying to this, I have been busy in real life.)

Hello,

My husband clears the history after being on the computer and I confronted him in the past about searching adult porn sites. My question is, would that be considered a form of cheating? I feel as though it is because it is in his heart maybe not outward cheating but his eyes are on other woman. I'm just confused and torn over it.

Any advise would help from you.

Thanks,

A

For men, and even some women, watching porn is just a normal thing and I would not consider it cheating at all, so I don't think you have any problems A. You could even support him and watch it together. Let your spouse tell you his or her fantasies, and then do it with them or at least try and show your spouse you care about it. It's one of the topics that are discussed in marriage counseling. Not only will you prevent a cheating spouse, you will also strengthen your emotional, and sexual bonds together.

Now what I DO consider cheating is when your spouse goes on the internet to find other women/men to talk to behind your back. This online form of cheating is usually done in Yahoo chat rooms/MSN/ or any other chatrooms online, especially ones that allow webcams or "cam2cam". If you find out that your spouse is doing this, then you better be worried and start confronting him/her. A keylogger or spy program would allow you to view/read the chat transcripts of cheating spouses, or just find out if your spouse is indeed cheating on you on the internet. It is much more difficult to find out if they are having an online affair in chatrooms simply because there is no history or log files, or they could easily just delete those logs or are protected by YMessenger/MSN, which is why a keylogger is necessary to catch cheating spouses.

Some husbands/wives who are still young, early to late twenties, are into this thing called "MMORPGs". It stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. There are alot of older men using this platform to find younger women too. An example of an MMORPG would be the popular game by Blizzard called "World of Warcraft", if your husband or wife plays this, you should know what it is. It is like a 3D chatroom where people can play together and meet other people. A few commenters on this blog have also pointed out that their husbands use this game to meet younger girls, and then get their MSN/YM IDs and chat with them there, bringing the relationship outside the game.

Playing games and chatting online with the opposite sex is fine and all, but watch out for any signs of an emotional affair. It is very easy to get emotionally attached to someone when you play games or chat with them for several hours each day, and you don't want an emotional affair to develop any further and have your spouse cheat on you (physically).

Remember A, men just like watching adult videos, it doesn't always mean that they want to cheat. It will make them happy if you show them that you are interested and share their fantasies with them. Restricting him from watching it is what might even make him turn into a cheating husband, since you're taking away a form of entertainment from him.

Good luck, A.

Is your husband cheating on you with a mutual friend?

Is your husband's "friend" just that, or are they having an affair?

It is perfectly fine for couples to have mutual friends, and it is very normal that your husband may close friends that are women. Just because he has a lot of close friends that are women doesn't mean you have a cheating husband. However if you suspect your husband is cheating on you with a one of those friends and you have noticed some signs of a cheating husband, then you are right in paying more attention and researching more on cheating spouses. Most of the times you can tell if your spose is cheating, but when your instincts go off, it may mean trouble down the road. Is it wrong to suspect your husband is cheting? Is it wrong to check up on your husband's cell phone? If you are doing it because you want to save your relationship and marriage, there is nothing wrong with that at all, and besides that, marriages or serious relationships should have little to no secrets. Especially when it comes to sensitive matters like what your relationship is with the opposite sex, a wife has every right to know these things, and should worry when a husband tries to keep her in the dark.


Affairs usually start out innocent enough, and it is very common to find affairs that started out as friend. In today's world it is not even uncommon for your spouse to be having an affair with the same sex. We'll talk about some signs you should pay close attention to when trying to find out if your husband's friend is not just a friend. Sometimes when people think they are very good at hiding something, they really aren't, and are quite obvious.


Here are a few signs of a cheating husband
These can apply to both sexes, and also if you suspect your husband is secretly gay.

1. Your husband or wife will prefer him or her over you. This is just too obvious, if your husband or wife would put off your plans in place for his or her plan with this "friend", this is a very obvious sign they are more than friends. Of course there are special occasions, like a business deal that needs to be settled right away, or one of his favorite bands suddenly came to town(and you know it for a fact). If this keeps happening more and more, you need to confront him or her about this and tell them you are not getting enough of his time, or you would like to tag along, especially if time spent is with the opposite sex.

2. Intimate conversations. This is one of the harder signs to catch, when your spouse is actually having intimate conversations with the opposite sex, it is an almost 100% sign that they are NOT just friends. By intimate conversations I mean conversations he would only speak to you about, such as telling you a personal problem, sharing a secret, talking about how stressed or depressed he or she is feeling. Things that would fall into the category of couple talk. These are often observed when you talk to the friend who he or she is having conversations with. They may let it slip out, or they may not even know that they shouldn't talk about it infront of you. Maybe they even know something your husband has never told you. To take a more active approach, try to "bait" them into talking about a subject you know only you and your husband has talked about.

3. Discreet phone conversations. When you walk in a room and your husband is having a phone conversation with this friend, does he move away, put down the phone, or tell the friend they will call them back? If your spouse does this, you have to wonder why. Why would your husband or wife not want you in the same room when talking with their friend? What is it that they are trying to hide? If this happens a lot of times in your relationship, confront your spouse. If it has only started happening, and there's an upcoming important event, such as your birthday, anniversary or anything that would warrant a party, then you may just have stumbled upon a surprise party and you have nothing to worry about.

4. Flirting. Another obvious signs, when your husband or wife flirts, they may not notice it, but it is very obvious to other people that they are more than friends. Do friends flirt with each other? Sometimes, maybe as a joke, but if it is done more often than not, then it is definitely a sure sign they are going past the normal friend boundaries. Examples of flirting are either telling each other inside jokes, being overly touchy with each other, tickling, talking and laughing a lot with each other, especially when they think they are alone, or whispering to each other when they are in a crowd. Flirting is a sign that they have developed into something more than a friendship, and all emotional affairs are where cheating husbands or cheating wives start out.

5. Complementing the friend too much. Do you notice your husband or wife giving out compliments to this one friend, but less to other friends, or even less to you? Another obvious sign to watch out for. When you ask about this, all your spuse does is shrug it off or tell you they don't notice it and you're making up things. There are situations though that this person deserves the complements, but this doesn't always mean your husband should be throwing complements all year round. More than friends, possibly(coupled with other signs, yes), cheating on you, not a very revealing sign but worth it to pay attention to catch a husband before he gets to the cheating part.

6. The famous calling out of a different name in their sleep. There's really nothing more needed to say about this, it's in a spouse's natural instincts to immediately confront after hearing their spouse call out some other person's name. Now if the name calling out happens when both of you are awake, and in the middle of..intimate relationships..you definitely NEED to confront him, because that is as obvious as a sign of a cheating husband can get!

7. You catch your husband or wife having a secret date with this friend. You confront them, and they both are stunned and act like they are hiding something. Of course they will act like that, they're DATING behind your back! At this point, you will need to tell him to stop being friends with this person, or whatever compromise you can think of. If you're a guy, and you catch your wife dating another man, please try to be civil. I know some men cannot control themselves and will immediately resort to violence, but when you do that you risk getting thrown in jail instead of getting back at her by divorcing her, and leaving her sorry that she ever betrayed you by suing her pants off. The feeling you get when you win a divorce case is great, even when you feel down knowing you won and won most of your assets in a divorce just makes it all that better. I still remember the look on my cheating husband's face when I left him after I won, priceless :)

8. Pay attention whenever you confront your husband or wife. When they keep defending or taking the side of the "friend" after you tell them not to see or talk to them anymore, your spouse may be having an emotional affair with them. Close to half of all emotional affairs turn into full time affairs which involve not only emotional intimacy, but also physical intimacy.

9. The "friend" of your wife or husband starts talking about his or her new girl/boyfriend, who remains unnamed. They may talk about the date they have had in a classy place, or the new flowers that were sent to them, or new jewelry, clothes, and maybe even about the wonderful sex they are having together. Watch closely and check your credit card bills, bank account, your spouse's clothes for any crumpled up or balled up receipts.

10. Your husband has become such a "helpful neighbor". He volunteers to help do this and do that, he helps teach her how to use tools, fix her garage, lift heavy equipment, etc. They may all be excuses to hang out with each other. This is not always a sign that they are having sex and your husband is cheating, but it may just mean your husband would want some time to talk or actually hang out. This, like all affairs, can start out innocent at first, but once two people get too close to each other attraction starts to build up. They may find the other helpful, funny, or whatever they find attractive, and they will want more of it. When the emotional affair begins, they will also find that they are getting attracted to each other physically, and will eventually want to have physical relationships. So if you can, whenever your spouse offers to help this "friend", try to accompany them to make sure no boundaries are crossed.

In order for you to have a happy marriage or relationship, you have to have the proper marriage principles. Just by having proper marriage principles, you can avoid or prevent infidelity altogether. The boundaries of your marriage will be kept intact and neither of you will break it, both of you will be satisfied and avoid neglecting each other, you'll end up spending more time together and making more mutual decision on things or activities you do not normally do. The benefits of knowing and abiding by proper marriage principles are just too important to overlook.

It is always better to prevent adultery/infidelity by building a solid foundation in your marriage than dealing with the after effects and coping with your cheating spouse.

Cheating spouse is having an emotional affair

Is your spouse having an emotional affair?

What is an emotional affair?

A relationship that usually starts from friendship that develops into something more. When your spouse actually exerts more effort and time into that "friendship" than he does with his normal friends, that is called an emotional affair.

Emotional affairs usually start from friendship, but it isn't unheard of that it starts because one of them initiated it. A cheating spouse could meet someone online, from dating sites that you are unaware of, or more commonly in chat rooms. Their intentions may not be bad or to find someone to cheat on you with, but you have to understand that their relationship may just develop into something more than friendship, especially if they are mutually attracted to each other.

When your husband/wife invests their time outside your relationship and into his new relationship with this other person, they may bond emotionally with each other. They may start keeping secrets from you, your husband or wife may start flirting with them besides confiding intimate details. Or it may be the other way around and the other person may flirt or even seduce your husband or wife. If their friendship begins developing and they both gain stronger emotional bonds with each other, your own relationship with your partner may weaken, you might experience lack of intimacy in your marriage because your spouse is getting their emotional needs fulfilled by someone else.

Some may think emotional affairs are nothing harmful to a relationship, and is not considered cheating, but I tend to disagree. Emotional affairs are like smoking marijuana. Some people argue that it is harmless, but the real harm in smoking weed is it may lead some people into trying out some other types of drugs. It is a gateway drug, just like an emotional affair may lead into something worse, like a husband cheating on you in real life, or your girlfriend developing another relationship behind your back. It is important if you suspect your husband is having an emotional affair that you confront him about it or spy on his computer before you confront him (to make sure you aren't just paranoid), because about half of all emotional affairs turn into real life adultery, cheating, or may even lead to divorce.

Like most people, I find the hardest and most painful part is when you first find out that you are being deceived and betrayed by someone you love and trust. It felt like a whale was dropped on me when I first read one of his conversations with another girl through my keylogger. It caused me lots of pain and anxiety and I could not concentrate on my life, work, or friends. Basically, I holed up in my room crying, and pretended I was fine infront of everyone else. Especially our kids, which was wrong.

An emotional affair does not only happen with your spouse's friends at work, or neighbors, it is also very possible that he has an emotional affair with an online friend (who he may then meet in real life). Be worried if your spouse suddenly stops confiding and getting emotional support from you. Your husband or wife might be having an emotional affair, you should do your best to find out while their relationship isn't strong enough to warrant a meet up in real life.

Once they get bonded and their relationship has developed past the friend level, your significant other is now having an emotional affair. When in an emotional affair, your partner will feel comfortable in sharing his secrets with the other girl, some secrets even you may not know about. Your partner might feel close enough to the other person, and them to your partner, that they both will eventually experience increasing sexual tension, or the desire to take things "serious"; by meeting each other in person.

If you know for a fact that your partner does not openly share their feelings, except to you, and recently they've stopped or you found out they are sharing their feelings, secretly, with someone else, you should be worried. Most cheating spouses don't even know they are cheating because they view emotional affairs as nothing, because there was no physical contact. But most women, myself included, feel differently. It hurts just as much as having cheated on me physically, some cases may hurt more especially if he tells her something he doesn't want to tell me. I'm all for keeping no secrets between couples, and by doing this to me I feel betrayed and deceived.

One of the major factors of a normal friendship developing into an emotional affair is when your husband or boyfriend starts sharing intimate details of his life that goes beyond what he tells anyone else but you.

These are some signs you should look out for if you suspect your husband or wife of having an emotional affair.

Signs of an emotional affair:

• Your spouse no longer confides in you. And vice versa, you get no emotional support form your husband. This may mean that you have a cheating spouse.
  
• Your spouse may keep secrets from you and you start noticing they suddenly put down the phone or someone calls and when you answer they hang up.
• A common friend (opposite sex usually) seems to know more and understand them better than yourself recently.
• Your spouse no longer is interested in being intimate, they stopped being sweet, and feels like a completely different person. The need you once fulfilled is now gone, and you almost feel like you are useless to your spouse.
• The amount of time your husband spends with you seems a lot less compared to the time he spends with his friend. Or if your husband didn't tell you about her, he spends most of his time at the office or away from home.
• When you are out with your partner, they often flirt with a common friend, or their friend from the office. Sometimes it might not even seem like your spouse notices that they are flirting because they're already so comfortable with the person.
• You notice your spouse acting like they used to act when you first started dating, or seems like your spouse is attracted to another person, like a schoolboy/schoolgirl crush. If you are unsure whether your spouse is attracted or not, just watch if your spouse is flirting or is acting all giddy around that person you suspect them to be having an emotional affair with.
• Your spouse may ask you or other mutual friends about the girl or guy he is having an emotional affair with, when are they free, what's their schedule like, etc. Or if they are co-workers, he may spend more time with her than anyone else at work.
• You discover things about them on your own. They are hiding dates, meet ups, or even work related things. Your partner doesn't want you to know they're working together.
• When you ask something about their relationship, your husband/wife (applicable to serious boyfriends/girlfriends as well) gets defensive and may even act insulted. Some really good liars are going to do this, act insulted and turn the tables on you and act like YOU are the one who is having a secret internet affair/etc.
  
• Your partner actually gets jealous when the other person goes on dates, or spends time with other people.
• "Oh nothing". When you asked them what they are doing online. Internet affairs are usually the start of emotional affairs because it's just so easy to strike up a conversation with someone online. Once you've gotten used to chatting online with someone, it can become addictive and you will keep looking for that person over and over again.

Some of these are the same as "Signs of a cheating husband", "Signs of a cheating wife", and the long list I have compiled of "60 signs of a cheating spouse", which won't remain 60 forever, as I and readers add more signs to them. Another related reading would be the article linked to the side bar of this blog, "Catch a cheating spouse guide"

Confrontation regarding emotional affairs are always best if done as soon as possible; this is the opposite of what I recommend when it comes to physical affairs. It's easy to prove someone is in an emotional affair, when they both keep talking to each other for several hours a day there's a high chance they are developing one, but it's not so easy to prove someone is in a physical affair because that is usually more secretive and you need solid proof. Bottom line is if you can't prove they are in either a physical or emotional affair, do not confront until you can. 

How do you prevent emotional affairs from happening?

Think of how it started first of all. Your spouse may be flirting with other people because they does not get satisfied in bed, or you never are intimate with each other anymore. The best thing you can do about flirting spouses is to confront them right away while it's early on. Don't wait for an affair to happen. Tell your spouse that you don't appreciate it that s/he is flirting with other people, ask them how he would feel if you started flirting with other men/women.


Come to an understanding that you don't want him/her to flirt with other women/men, and ask them what you can do to get rid of the urges. Sometimes it is as easy as that, and your spouse will apologize and tell you they did not know what they were doing was wrong or makes you feel bad. Sometimes it will be more difficult because they will try to reason it out that nothing sexual is happening. Even if nothing sexual is happening, tell your partner that it hurts you to see them, your spouse, flirting with some other person who is not you.

It is up to you as a couple to come to an understanding, if needed you should see a marriage councilor. The point you must get across clearly is that for your relationship to continue to work properly none of this should continue.

To prevent emotional affairs you must always keep no secrets from each other. Your spouse should feel like he can tell you anything, no matter how bad it is. Sometimes emotional affairs begin when your spouse is simply looking for someone to vent out their frustrations on, or they are feeling like no one, including you, is listening to their problems or needs.

Both of you should let each other know what the boundaries are. If you don't want your husband to be touchy with a girl, tell him that. If you don't like him to hang out with a girl when they are alone, tell him. If your wife lets other guys flirt and talk her up, tell her not to allow it to happen. Same goes for you, it should be equal or it won't ever work. When one of you gets fed up, infidelity starts looking more like an escape to something better rather than something that will hurt the person you love. And if you are always getting cheated on and feel miserable, maybe you should consider ending it if you see no chance of him/her ever changing.

Do things as a couple and keep no secrets from each other. That is the best thing you can do to strengthen you relationship and avoid cheating, or emotional/online affairs. If you think your relationship is seriously in danger, consider going to a couples retreat to prevent emotional affairs turning intimate.

Some of the methods here, such as keyloggers, can help you determine if your spouse is having an emotional affair. Especially if it is done through a computer, online. Read up on the way to spy on a cellphone found here in this site for more info.

Click this to see methods on how to catch a cheating spouse. If you would like to learn how to read text messages and track your spouse's cellphone location please read my mobile/cellphone spy article.

If you have had an emotional affair, you're having an emotional affair, or you've dealt with an emotional affair, please feel free to share your story with us. You can rest assured that everything here is anonymous and no one is going to track you. You can share via comments below, the cheating spouse stories page, or joining the surviving infidelity forums.

Good luck and I hope you work everything out before an emotional affair develops.