Cheating spouse on the internet

Here's an email I received from someone who found this site and thinks she has a cheating husband. Cheating often starts from the interenet, and it is not uncommon that a cheating spouse on the internet is using online chatrooms to meet other people.(And I am terribly sorry for almost a month in delay for replying to this, I have been busy in real life.)

Hello,

My husband clears the history after being on the computer and I confronted him in the past about searching adult porn sites. My question is, would that be considered a form of cheating? I feel as though it is because it is in his heart maybe not outward cheating but his eyes are on other woman. I'm just confused and torn over it.

Any advise would help from you.

Thanks,

A

For men, and even some women, watching porn is just a normal thing and I would not consider it cheating at all, so I don't think you have any problems A. You could even support him and watch it together. Let your spouse tell you his or her fantasies, and then do it with them or at least try and show your spouse you care about it. It's one of the topics that are discussed in marriage counseling. Not only will you prevent a cheating spouse, you will also strengthen your emotional, and sexual bonds together.

Now what I DO consider cheating is when your spouse goes on the internet to find other women/men to talk to behind your back. This online form of cheating is usually done in Yahoo chat rooms/MSN/ or any other chatrooms online, especially ones that allow webcams or "cam2cam". If you find out that your spouse is doing this, then you better be worried and start confronting him/her. A keylogger or spy program would allow you to view/read the chat transcripts of cheating spouses, or just find out if your spouse is indeed cheating on you on the internet. It is much more difficult to find out if they are having an online affair in chatrooms simply because there is no history or log files, or they could easily just delete those logs or are protected by YMessenger/MSN, which is why a keylogger is necessary to catch cheating spouses.

Some husbands/wives who are still young, early to late twenties, are into this thing called "MMORPGs". It stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games. There are alot of older men using this platform to find younger women too. An example of an MMORPG would be the popular game by Blizzard called "World of Warcraft", if your husband or wife plays this, you should know what it is. It is like a 3D chatroom where people can play together and meet other people. A few commenters on this blog have also pointed out that their husbands use this game to meet younger girls, and then get their MSN/YM IDs and chat with them there, bringing the relationship outside the game.

Playing games and chatting online with the opposite sex is fine and all, but watch out for any signs of an emotional affair. It is very easy to get emotionally attached to someone when you play games or chat with them for several hours each day, and you don't want an emotional affair to develop any further and have your spouse cheat on you (physically).

Remember A, men just like watching adult videos, it doesn't always mean that they want to cheat. It will make them happy if you show them that you are interested and share their fantasies with them. Restricting him from watching it is what might even make him turn into a cheating husband, since you're taking away a form of entertainment from him.

Good luck, A.