How do I deal with infidelity.
You recently found out or have doubts that your husband cheated or is cheating on you. You feel like a piano was dropped on your head the moment you realize your marriage or relationship is about to end or that you are being deceived. You try to convince yourself that this isn't happening, that you're being paranoid, "he would never do this to me," I must be imagining things, etc. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. If you are unsure whether or not you have a cheating husband, please read signs of a cheating husband first.
Infidelity is never easy to deal with, this will take a long time for you to recover from, and this will be a long but fruitful journey to self improvement. You WILL come out a better person, I speak from experience, and you WILL find someone ten times better than your previous cheating husband (if you ever do decide that he is not worth forgiving and sharing your life with). You'll respect yourself more, gain more confidence, and get back your dignity.
If you're only trying to save your relationship for the kids' sake, this will be more difficult for you, but you WILL gradually heal and come out a better person. Here is some information on how to cope with a cheating husband:
Let it all out and accept it
Even if you're the type of person who does not want to cry, you should. Crying is healthy, and will help ease your pain and anxiety. You can do this alone, or infront of your cheating husband when you confront him about his secret affair. It would depend on what decision you have arrived at, do you want to end the relationship or do you want to save the relationship. I wouldn't cry infront of my husband if I planned to divorce him, this would give him reason to believe he still has a hold on me and would try to manipulate the situation to favor him. You may think your husband is not capable of manipulating your emotions to get what he wants, you may think that is too much for him and he would never prey on your emotions. But you also thought he would never ever cheat on you, but your husband cheated. I chose to leave my cheating husband, I knew he could never change. It's different for everyone, but this is how it worked out for me and my ex cheating husband.
Your husband may have been lying and cheating on you with several other women for longer than you thought, that is why I suggest to read signs of a cheating husband, and how to catch a cheating husband, so you can gather enough evidence before you take any legal action, if you choose to do so. I know this is hard to read, especially for those that want to save the relationship, but I am just being real and stating the facts.
With that aside, if you do choose to save your relationship, then open up and share every single thing that has been plaguing you. Every tiny detail. Tell him, don't ask, that you're both going to skip work the next day so you can talk it out. Cheating husbands will usually agree if they want to work things out, and they usually won't if they plan on ending the relationship. Ask your husband why he cheated on you, what does he want to happen from this point on, what did you ever do to cause him to cheat and does he still love you. Tell him how he made you feel, and what YOU want to happen from this point on. Come to an understanding on how you will proceed with your relationship, and try stick to it. Agree that no secrets should ever be kept between you two. It's going to take a lot of time, but getting it all out is the first step in healing and gaining back your self esteem. Eventually you will forgive your husband for cheating on you.
Confide in your family and friends
It's always a good to have someone you trust share their thoughts and advice. Even just being with them and venting out your problems will help alot. Don't keep secrets, tell them your husband cheated. Having someone that will listen to your infidelity problem, comfort you, make you feel safe, this is what you need. Go watch a movie with friends, doesn't have to be a sad movie, a comedy or any other movie you want will do, as long as you are with friends or family. Have fun, laugh and smile. You don't need to throw away your life just because your husband cheated on you. He's not worth it, go and enjoy yourself. If you decided to leave your husband, then it will be good to go out on dates. Find someone that deserves you. The sooner that happens, the faster you'll forget about your ex cheating husband.
Be honest with your children
If you have kids be sure not to lie. Tell them the truth, just don't blame their father. If you have to split up, tell them. Don't blame the your cheating husband, that will just cause more problems. Openly tell them that their father has to move on with his own life, but they will still see him in the future. Don't promise them anything unrealistic, just be honest, your kids can help you feel better and support you more than anyone else. This happened to me, when my own father cheated on my mother. My mother wasn't honest though, even if I was old enough to know what was happening. She lived in denial, and included us. It worked for my younger sister, but not with me. I had to pretend I had no father because she didn't even give me a valid reason. All I remember is "He's gone now". I wish she was open with it, I would have been there to talk to her.
Baby steps, take it a day at a time
When you've decided to work on your relationship, don't rush it. Time will ease you back to where you left off. Also, it would be wise to ask your husband to go to a doctor to have him tested for any STDs he may have caught from having cheated on you. Again, don't resort to blaming him, even the skank who he cheated on you with. This is a waste of your breath. Not worth your time. Won't accomplish anything. Will remind you of things that has passed. Tell your husband this if he has the nerve to blame you. This will be the hardest part, slowly building your relationship back. Hopefully this time it will be stronger, and your husband would have learned his lesson and never cheat on you again.
Think of yourself, and your kids
If you decide to leave your husband, after you have enough proof that he has cheated on you, make sure you have it all planned out. Some questions to help you on planning are :
Be sure to answer these important questions first before doing anything drastic.
Stay healthy
Do not let this ruin your life completely. Maintain a proper daily routine. Eat proper healthy meals, exercise regularly, get enough sleep and remember to have fun with your family and friends. Exercise is a natural way to relieve stress and anxiety, it won't just keep you looking good. If you leave your husband, staying healthy also involves dating. Making some new friends is easy now with the internet, you don't have to physically meet someone or anything. Just make new friends, chat online, have fun, flirt, anything you can do to help destress you, do it! Just stay away from vices such as drugs, and alcohol. Those will just make your life worse, and your children unhappy.
You might also want to read my article on emotional affairs or read about an online e-course dedicated to saving your marriage.
Please feel free to share your experiences or read other people's experiences with infidelity at the Cheating Spouse Stories page. If you would like to contact me directly, use the contact page on the sidebar, or just leave a comment with your email. (I won't publish any comment with personal identifiable information)
You recently found out or have doubts that your husband cheated or is cheating on you. You feel like a piano was dropped on your head the moment you realize your marriage or relationship is about to end or that you are being deceived. You try to convince yourself that this isn't happening, that you're being paranoid, "he would never do this to me," I must be imagining things, etc. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. If you are unsure whether or not you have a cheating husband, please read signs of a cheating husband first.
Infidelity is never easy to deal with, this will take a long time for you to recover from, and this will be a long but fruitful journey to self improvement. You WILL come out a better person, I speak from experience, and you WILL find someone ten times better than your previous cheating husband (if you ever do decide that he is not worth forgiving and sharing your life with). You'll respect yourself more, gain more confidence, and get back your dignity.
"If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife." -Ann LandersEverytime you think of your cheating husband having an affair, and lying to you, it makes you sick and angry. But you still love him. You want him to change, you forgive him and hope to save the relationship. If you truly believe that your cheating husband can change, then that is great, I will share everything I know on how to deal with infidelity, how to forgive your unfaithful husband, and attempt to successfully save your relationship. If however you are sure you want to end the relationship, read "what to do when my husband cheats on me" page found in this website.
If you're only trying to save your relationship for the kids' sake, this will be more difficult for you, but you WILL gradually heal and come out a better person. Here is some information on how to cope with a cheating husband:
Let it all out and accept it
Even if you're the type of person who does not want to cry, you should. Crying is healthy, and will help ease your pain and anxiety. You can do this alone, or infront of your cheating husband when you confront him about his secret affair. It would depend on what decision you have arrived at, do you want to end the relationship or do you want to save the relationship. I wouldn't cry infront of my husband if I planned to divorce him, this would give him reason to believe he still has a hold on me and would try to manipulate the situation to favor him. You may think your husband is not capable of manipulating your emotions to get what he wants, you may think that is too much for him and he would never prey on your emotions. But you also thought he would never ever cheat on you, but your husband cheated. I chose to leave my cheating husband, I knew he could never change. It's different for everyone, but this is how it worked out for me and my ex cheating husband.
Your husband may have been lying and cheating on you with several other women for longer than you thought, that is why I suggest to read signs of a cheating husband, and how to catch a cheating husband, so you can gather enough evidence before you take any legal action, if you choose to do so. I know this is hard to read, especially for those that want to save the relationship, but I am just being real and stating the facts.
With that aside, if you do choose to save your relationship, then open up and share every single thing that has been plaguing you. Every tiny detail. Tell him, don't ask, that you're both going to skip work the next day so you can talk it out. Cheating husbands will usually agree if they want to work things out, and they usually won't if they plan on ending the relationship. Ask your husband why he cheated on you, what does he want to happen from this point on, what did you ever do to cause him to cheat and does he still love you. Tell him how he made you feel, and what YOU want to happen from this point on. Come to an understanding on how you will proceed with your relationship, and try stick to it. Agree that no secrets should ever be kept between you two. It's going to take a lot of time, but getting it all out is the first step in healing and gaining back your self esteem. Eventually you will forgive your husband for cheating on you.
Confide in your family and friends
It's always a good to have someone you trust share their thoughts and advice. Even just being with them and venting out your problems will help alot. Don't keep secrets, tell them your husband cheated. Having someone that will listen to your infidelity problem, comfort you, make you feel safe, this is what you need. Go watch a movie with friends, doesn't have to be a sad movie, a comedy or any other movie you want will do, as long as you are with friends or family. Have fun, laugh and smile. You don't need to throw away your life just because your husband cheated on you. He's not worth it, go and enjoy yourself. If you decided to leave your husband, then it will be good to go out on dates. Find someone that deserves you. The sooner that happens, the faster you'll forget about your ex cheating husband.
Be honest with your children
If you have kids be sure not to lie. Tell them the truth, just don't blame their father. If you have to split up, tell them. Don't blame the your cheating husband, that will just cause more problems. Openly tell them that their father has to move on with his own life, but they will still see him in the future. Don't promise them anything unrealistic, just be honest, your kids can help you feel better and support you more than anyone else. This happened to me, when my own father cheated on my mother. My mother wasn't honest though, even if I was old enough to know what was happening. She lived in denial, and included us. It worked for my younger sister, but not with me. I had to pretend I had no father because she didn't even give me a valid reason. All I remember is "He's gone now". I wish she was open with it, I would have been there to talk to her.
Baby steps, take it a day at a time
When you've decided to work on your relationship, don't rush it. Time will ease you back to where you left off. Also, it would be wise to ask your husband to go to a doctor to have him tested for any STDs he may have caught from having cheated on you. Again, don't resort to blaming him, even the skank who he cheated on you with. This is a waste of your breath. Not worth your time. Won't accomplish anything. Will remind you of things that has passed. Tell your husband this if he has the nerve to blame you. This will be the hardest part, slowly building your relationship back. Hopefully this time it will be stronger, and your husband would have learned his lesson and never cheat on you again.
Think of yourself, and your kids
If you decide to leave your husband, after you have enough proof that he has cheated on you, make sure you have it all planned out. Some questions to help you on planning are :
Where will you live?
Will you have enough money to support yourself and your kids?
Will you be able to put them through school?
Will all of you have the necessities in order to live comfortable?
Do you have any family or friends that can stay with your kids while you're at work?
Be sure to answer these important questions first before doing anything drastic.
Stay healthy
Do not let this ruin your life completely. Maintain a proper daily routine. Eat proper healthy meals, exercise regularly, get enough sleep and remember to have fun with your family and friends. Exercise is a natural way to relieve stress and anxiety, it won't just keep you looking good. If you leave your husband, staying healthy also involves dating. Making some new friends is easy now with the internet, you don't have to physically meet someone or anything. Just make new friends, chat online, have fun, flirt, anything you can do to help destress you, do it! Just stay away from vices such as drugs, and alcohol. Those will just make your life worse, and your children unhappy.
You might also want to read my article on emotional affairs or read about an online e-course dedicated to saving your marriage.
Please feel free to share your experiences or read other people's experiences with infidelity at the Cheating Spouse Stories page. If you would like to contact me directly, use the contact page on the sidebar, or just leave a comment with your email. (I won't publish any comment with personal identifiable information)
10 comments:
Thanks A lot! I really needed a way to regain my sanity. It's 7:52am and I've been up all night coping with this newly found truth. This has helped me realize that I'm taking taking the right steps while attempting to reconcile my relationship.
Sincerly
Day
Day, what helped me most is a good vacation. Thinking and then following through like what is written in most of the articles here, is very effective and helps loads, specially to me cause I had very low self esteem.
Its so discusting that people put their partners through such torture. My ex and i have just broken up, he was cheating on me with a teenager(! eleven years his junior) I was so strong at first, its been a month and i am now with a heavy feeling. i hope it leaves soon...
this is such an awful feeling - cheating is so wrong - it causes insecurities, self esteem issues, health worries and family issues - my husband has been having online affairs for the last yr and i never knew - i feel so stupid and gullible - but it is not my fault - but he took it a step further in the last 2 mths - he had a one night and told me about it - then he said we will work on our marriage but 5 weeks later he goes back to her - he will not tell me anything about her - i suspect she may be one of his internet cheats but can't be sure because he says no - i am not to sure where to go from here - sad part is i still love him - i want to hate him because i can't
Sorry to hear that. If your husband already admitted but you still want to know his online activities, please look over the link on this blog on how to install a keylogger.
Also if he is serious about making it work, and you are open to this suggestion, try marriage counseling.
I've been married for 12 years. He repeatedly cheats. We have 2 children and I have stayed partially to try to give them a whole family. BUT he seems to not be able to help himself. So I am giving up. I just need on eof them spy phone things or to hire a private Investiagtor. I have tried -that's why I'm still married at year 12, and I am christian - although when I left he pleads, promises, been to counselling, my father spoke to him, I've filed for separation etc. I've been back in the matrimonial bedroom about 6 weeks ..and his friend tells me he's still messing around. What to do. Leave. He has no shame - that's all I can say.
It is really hard to deal with cheating. I have a 7 yr old, 3 year & 9month. He keeps lieing & being secretive. I know he will keep at it, but divorce is so hard. I don't even have a job right now.
Am I the only one who feels that it's my fault? I feel like he did it because I'm not good enough for him or something...
hi suspect wife is cheating any one know of any sites still able to obtain cell phone records thanks
If by cell phone records you mean text messages? Take a look at the cellphone spy overview on the sidebar.
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